Monday, November 26, 2007

So, really, I'm not crazy...

Well, not certifiably crazy, just kind of crazy....

The holidaze have arrived, in all of their glory, and I'm looking forward to January. Living near a mall is darn nice 11 months out of the year, but right now? Not so much... So, for the non-locals who are descending on my part of town, some rules designed to keep you safe from me and the loss of impulse control i occasionally suffer from.

1) There is no need to cut me off. I'm not after your "parents with children" parking space. I'm after the half and half at the local grocery store. Trust me, me having my coffee keeps you a whole lot safer.

2) Neighborhood shortcuts are for people who live in the neighborhood. Feel free NOT to come zooming through my neighborhood in a desperate attempt to avoid the traffic. One does not have to be a rocket scientist to figure out how to flatten your tires without breaking a sweat.

3) There are grocery stores in your neighborhood too. Please feel free to stop there instead of clogging up the one grocery store that you can see from the mall.

4) Please do not slam on your brakes in the middle of the street. I know you don't know where you're going, but I do know where I'm going, and I'd like to get there in one piece. Might I suggest asking Santa for a nice GPS system???

5) There are a dozen different entrances to the mall. Pick one, any one, it doesn't matter. If you make nothing but right turns after you enter the mall, you will reach your destination.....

And if you happen to see me on the street....get the hell out of my way!!

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