The One About What Happens When I Try To Fix Stuff

I'm one of those people who "fixes" stuff. If I think you're hurt, if I think you're in pain, it turns into my life's mission to fix it. Add that to the fact that I'm a Daddy's girl and it almost explains this:

This is the Sentinel. 27 pounds of Brittany that not only thinks she's a Rottweiler, but has to be maintained on anti-anxiety meds. I got her for my dad after his 13 year-old female passed away. The Sentinel is a beautiful dog, very sweet, very loving and very, very crazy. Since my Dad still has a 13 year old male, it's a very bad match. The breeder said I could bring her back, the Eggroll says that she's her favorite, and Himself and I.... well, we're weak. Oh yeah, and then there's my dad, who didn't get the dog... 

I need to let people fix their own stuff...

The One About Hospitals and Help

After less than a month away from the great Southwest, I'm back here again. After a phone call involving the words Flipper, hospital, and complete renal failure, I hopped a plane the same evening and, by midnight I was back in the desert. No one faces anything alone. It's how Momma did it, it's how I do it, it's how it's done.

I am a fierce advocate. I expect nothing less than full cooperation, I demand nothing less than the facts. It took me less than fifteen minutes to scare the crap out of an unsuspecting urologist. (he has since recovered and become a valuable team member) I am not a medical professional (though I'm asked if I am continually) but I am fluent in the language, I have a better than average knowledge of the human body and its workings and I am blessed to have friends that are medical professionals who are tops in their field. My challenge, at this point, is that my resources are 1800 miles away. I'm making evaluations of people, at least, without the personal recommendations of those that I trust. I haven't second guessed myself yet, but I fear that it's coming soon.

Back in the windy city, we deal with nothing but university hospitals. Here in the great southwest, our only choice right now is a community hospital. Although highly rated, my opinion of community hospitals is not rising. I am the advocate that will seek out cooperative staff, but I'm finding that the kind of quality I'm used to seeing in the big city requires a heck of a lot more seeking down here. And the mechanics of the hospital itself? Not so much. In 36 hours, I've endured lost or incomplete medical records (I literally fixed that in less than 5 minutes), staff that has no idea where anything is located (to the weekend ICU staff that I asked for help? Endoscopy is ONE HALL up from the ICU door) to areas that where not staffed AT ALL. As an aside, many thanks go out to Ronald the security guard, who not only found me, but found Flipper and the doctor. He spoke directly to the doc, let him know where I was and that I would like to speak to him after the procedure. And then gave me his extension number if I needed more help. Ronald my dear, you ROCK. I'm sending a letter to the House Manager, I hope it helps you out, it's the least I can do.

Speaking of folks who are awesome, I'm a little bit in love with the nurse on Flippers floor. A Russian immigrant and transplant from NYC, she is everything that nurses should be. We see her often, she never administers anything without telling us what it is, why you need it, and what it's supposed to do, and I've seen her run down doctors to help patients out. On top of that, she actually brings me test results so that I can know what's going on. Awesomeness! As always, nurses are under-rated, many folks forget that they are the ones on the front-line. Someone once told me, if you want to know whats going on, ask your nurse, skip the doc. It's totally true.

For the rest of the "family that isn't family" down here? You all are superb and I can't thank you enough. I will ask you to stop being so damn nice to me, it makes me cry. I can't do the crying now, I have business to attend to. Years ago, when Momma died, I learned all about "family". The conclusion? Family has nothing to do with the people who are actually related to you, it has to do with the people who "show-up". Each and every one of you has "showed up" and offered me more than I could ever wish for. I will be forever grateful.

This last part is about something that I rarely talk about, but I really should. And that is the man I married. I am grateful. Though whatever trials and tribulations have been thrown our way, he continues to work with me as one half of our "team". There is no obstacle that is too large, he accepts the "crazy" without question, and supports whatever adjustments have to be made. No one could ask for a better partner. Once again I will be forever grateful that this person has chosen to be with me. Of course, none of that will keep me from bitching about the little things....

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The One About How I Am HUGE in China

I never finished the China posts... So in my quest to organize my life, you will find, from time to time disjointed posts about random stuff that I forgot to finish. Or maybe I didn't forget, maybe I've been meaning to but life got in the way.

Once we landed in Beijing, I was convinced I had entered the 7th circle of Hell. I had been awake for more than 24 hours, sick with the whoopsies for the 12 hours before that, and I had just arrived to 106 degrees with 98% humidity. The only thing that I could think about was a bed and some air-conditioning.... I would get the bed...I would miss the air-conditioning... The one thing that kept running through my head was "death is not an option".


Blessedly, our delayed flight got us into Beijing in the evening, rather than early afternoon, so the whole jet lag thing was solved in pretty short order. We boarded a bus for the trip to our hotel. We arrived at the hotel, checked in, and immediately went to our room. After boiling some water for tooth brushing, and taking our injections, we crawled into the kind of small bed and crashed. We slept fitfully throughout the night, restless to begin with, and the swamp cooler blowing cool but wet air at us didn't help...at least it didn't help me....


A word here about Himself. I seemed to have scored myself the most "durable" fellow around. I call him "Gentle Ben" from time to time...he's the size of a large bear and about as furry. Folks look at him and wonder if size really does matter... it doesn't. He is uneffected by climate, can sleep soundly at the drop of a hat, and will travel miles on foot without so much as a blister. You can load him down with packages, walk him fifteen miles in the blistering sun and he won't issue a single complaint. As a matter of fact, he'll help little old ladies across the street and carry their packages at the same time. I have yet to run across one thing that he won't try, and he's always "up" for the next adventure. It's amazing and humbling at the same time.


And then there's me... the "bitcher". Totally climate sensitive. The planets must align correctly for me to sleep well and I must have the proper equipment to travel miles on foot. I will pass out in the heat and my hands and legs will seize in the cold. And I will tell anyone who'll listen. I will tell them a lot...like every five minutes. Oooh yeah, and I'll cry too. Purely out of frustration, but I will cry. And as for that little old lady??? Man up Sally....carry your own shit. I'm up for the next adventure, and I'll enjoy it, but I'll bitch and moan the whole way. Travel with us my friends, and you will discover the meaning of "polar opposites".


The following morning, Himself wandered about, gathering water and cigarettes while I tried to regain a wee bit of my dignity. One of the few things that Himself and I have in common is the fact that we're both early risers. Especially when traveling. By the time most folks get out of bed, we've been up for hours, wandered about, perhaps already had breakfast. I say perhaps because we're usually up before the kitchen is even open...unless we're near a truck stop... or a Denny's. The group was scheduled to do some touring, so I prepared myself accordingly...


A word about me. I am not a conventionally attractive woman. Many people use the term "striking" when describing me and I choose to believe that they mean it in a good way. I stand over six feet tall, and I am not model thin. I have a real body with some junk in the trunk and hands and feet that are proportionate for my size. I'm not obese, but I'll never be mistaken for skinny. That being said, I realized early on in my life that I was never going to look like everyone else, so I don't try. I actually do the opposite. I'm very graphic, choosing to emphasize my differences rather than try to disguise them. As an example, after Momma died, the hair at my temples went totally gray. My solution? I had my stylist bleach out large chunks of my red hair. So, I sport some Lily Munster stripes. Totally white. Totally obvious.... Here at home, people look and occasionally comment and even when we were in Europe, I'd get some "looks" from time to time, but nothing...absolutely nothing... prepared me for China...

Later that morning, the group boarded a tour bus ( I love tour buses...they have real air-conditioning) and headed for the Great Wall. Despite the heat and humidity, Himself and I decided that the once in a lifetime opportunity far outweighed the uncomfortable and we headed off to "walk the wall". I made it to the first battlement. (probably a little over a mile) Between the heat, the pollution, and the general malaise from traveling, I felt somewhat woozy. I chose to stay in the battlement, while Himself continued on to the end of the section (where there was a roller coaster?!?). I settled in, arranging myself and rearranging myself whenever there was a breeze. After a few minutes a little boy ran up to me and grabbed me around the leg. I smiled and patted his head, he darted off and returned a few moments later with his entire family. They wanted to take a picture with me. Ummm... okay... then there was another family, and another, and another... By the time Himself returned I had taken pictures with no less than 25 families. I joked that I should have charged a few yuan per photo, and maybe I could have paid for the trip. I reasoned that the Great Wall is a destination for all Chinese. Many of these folks had probably never seen a Caucasian, much less a Caucasian that looked like me. I figured that they'd be interested in Himself as well, him being a man of size and all....they weren't... nor were they interested in anyone else in our group. I thought it was odd, but I also thought it was important to be gracious. We joked about it with our group (who I really think thought we were lying) and wrote it off.


The next day, we visited Tienemen Square and it happened again. This time it happened in front of everyone and it made it difficult to navigate the Square. It happened at the Summer Palace, in restaurants, on the street, everywhere... Anywhere we went, if people weren't outright asking for photos, they were surreptitiously snapping away with their cell phones. The click and whirrr sound followed us everywhere. It was amusing for the first few days, then it became downright annoying, and after that, it made both Himself and I positively homicidal. The culture in China is such that in their society it's perfectly acceptable to behave this way, it's perfectly acceptable to say things out loud and in front of someone that we in Western culture would never consider.


So should you receive a postcard from a Chinese friend, or open a Chinese book or magazine and they contain pictures of a large white woman with striped hair.... well.... it's me.... and I'm HUGE in China!!

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The One Where I Collect Scattered Thoughts

In no particular order.....


* I received a call from both the auto hospital and the insurance adjuster yesterday. Vanbo has some internal damage (nothing we didn't expect). The auto hospital wanted me to know that they've already received the supplement, and the parts are on order. The insurance adjuster not only told me the same thing, but also extended the rental for the ugliest van in America for another five days. The signifigance of all of this??? ACTUAL CUSTOMER SERVICE! And I didn't have to yell, beg or threaten anyone.....

* The breeder sent photos of the three pups we have to choose from. After Himself and I rated our choices, I phoned Flipper and asked him to stop by. One must understand that to get Flipper to stop by and take a look at anything other than the Eggroll is a monumental task. When I said "puppies" he altered his schedule immediately. When he showed up he immediately went hunting for my computer. I bought up the photos, he pointed to the screen uttered "I want that one", asked if the Eggroll was home and then was gone as quick as he came...FYI, Flipper's ratings and Himself's were exactly the same...I think its a conspiracy..

* House of Nyt is undergoing the pre-holiday cleaning ritual. This is the time of the year where I drive Himself insane.... he and my OCD don't always get along. Funny thing is, as much hell as he gives me for my freakish cleaning tendencies. (he continually reminds me that my "dirty" is the rest of the world's clean), he's the first person to be apalled at someone else's dirty house. Several times during the trick-or-treating ritual, he would lean over and whisper to me..."Did you see the inside of that house?? Can you believe people live that way??" Yeah...embrace the OCD Mr. Man....embrace the OCD.

* Anyone else apalled over Prop 8?? Really?? So much for embracing change....

* I'm finding it hilariously funny that there are a few polls out there that advocate a pit bull as the Presidential Puppy. I've got nothing against the breed, but really....stereotype much???

* My Wad died.... minds out of the gutter folks, the Wad was a fish. We developed an odd attachment to one another..he would actually eat off of my finger. Strange to think that fish may actually have personalities. Anyhow, he gave up the ghost after close to 9 years...

Thattttt'ss allll fffollkksss!

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The One About My Brain and the "Boom"

I would like to remove my brain from my skull and wash it off. It seems to be rather dusty as of late. Disorganized, forgetting things...nothing a good cleaning wouldn't fix.

Halloween started out with a "boom", literally. While Eggroll and I were on the way to the grocery store, a rather large Ram decided to introduce itself to Vanbo. One loud crunch and a shower of glass later, my child looked at me in the rearview mirror, said "boom", and went right back to watching Blues Clues on the DVD player. How wonderful to be a child! Meanwhile, Vanbo suffered a crushed rear door and a blown out rear window. Nothing a couple of weeks in the auto hospital can't fix. However, most of Halloween was taken up by telephone calls, adjusters, estimates and rental agencies. Vanbo has been replaced with a Ram cousin, and so far, everything has gone rather swimmingly. And of course, because it was Halloween, we had plenty of chocolate.....that always makes things easier...

This is the week where Eggroll will spend most of day at "school". Because of the upcoming holidaze, and the approach of inclement weather, and Himself's work schedule, it has been determined that in order to get anything done...the Eggroll needs to be away from the House of Nyt. I hate to do it in one way, but she does love "school" so, and if I wait any longer the work will take twice as long. Of course, my brain did screw-up....I told the center director that she would be there for the whole week, completely forgetting that she has therapy on Tuesday and Thursday.... le sigh! I will have to admit my idiocy in public and rearrange her schedule and mine.

Because of Friday's little problem, I was forced to do my grocery shopping on Saturday. May I say that I was quite gracious on Friday, but Saturday...in the grocery store...I was positively homicidal. Who are all these people, and when did manners become optional??? Seriously, is it just me or is half of society raising packs of wolves? Are people just numb?? Let me just say for the record that if I would have had a cattle prod, things might have gone differently...

I hear movement....must run.....

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The One Where I Try And Explain Where The Hell I've Been

Tap tap.....this thing on?? Can you guys in back hear me?? Good........

So, where the hell have I been? Halfway around the world and back. Upside down, inside out and right side up again.

I'll start at the beginning. After almost three years, mountains of paperwork, and enough cash to purchase a new Lexus, Himself and I finally set off to pick up our daughter from China. Now, being that this adventure involves us, you've got to know that our adventures are never run of the mill. If there is a perfect storm, he and I will be in the middle of it. We always come out the other side better for the experience, but we never seem to avoid the rain.

Take our departure for example. Since the flight to Beijing is roughly 14 hours long, and since we both are slightly larger than Barbie and Ken, we decided to purchase a third seat for our flying comfort. Should be a simple task no? Since we were bringing our daughter home, we figured we would have an empty seat flying to and a seat full of child on the return. How silly we are! You may not split that ticket Mr. and Mrs. Nyt. You must purchase seat number three at full price, and then, you have the privilege of purchasing a one way ticket for your daughter at a somewhat discounted price. Oh yes, and by the way, the luggage restrictions are per person, so you will not be entitled to any extra luggage weight for the empty seat. That will be $6700.00 please. For that low, low, price we (the airline) will also leave 6 hours late....feel free to sleep in, but if you miss your flight, we will charge you to change all 3 of your tickets....

Now the funny thing is, I had been up the entire night before we left. I actually had intended to stay up ( it's the way I do jet-lag) What I had not intended was staying up all night puking my guts out. Yes, I'll admit it. When stress gets to me, I get the whoopsies. Once I whoopsie, I continue to whoopsie. Once the whoopsies slow down, any cough or sneeze will start them up again. (laughing will as well). So, when morning arrived, I had nothing in my stomach, I couldn't eat anything for fear of triggering another whoopsie bout, and I (we) had to take our injections (DVT preventitives) before we left the house. Did I mention that I had quit smoking the day before? Yeah... but that didn't add to the stress at all... Oh yeah, then I got to spend six hours hanging around the airport when I only live an hour away. It actually worked out for Himself. My whoopsie all-nighter cost me my voice. At least he couldn't hear me bitch and moan.

BTW, the Nytshde Stops Smoking Experiment of 2008??? FAIL!!

The flight itself was uneventful. Long, but uneventful. I will admit to wanting to poke my husband with something sharp several times, I'm horribly jealous that he can sleep on command.

We arrived in Beijing to some of the most oppressive heat and humidity I have felt in my life. I believe that I announced that we had now arrived in the 7th circle of Hell. Two weeks in country would not change my mind......