The One About Mind Control and the Mouse

Well, finally I feel a little bit better. Whatever this season's virus is, it's butt-kicking and evil. I was sick during the holidaze, felt better for our trip, and then came home to gooey, multi-colored, feverish, hacking "ick" that landed me in the doctor's office begging for anything that might make it stop. One Z-pak, some narcotic cough syrup, and an anti-mold pill later and I'm almost back to normal. We shall not discuss my right ear which has not yet cleared from the flight on the 22nd. (I am completely convinced that Edgar Allen Poe was NOT driven mad by Absinthe, he merely had a plugged ear) I've been hearing my heartbeat and my jaw click, and my eyes blinking for close to ten days now....it certainly can drive someone very close to the edge...

But, enough about me...let's talk vacation. Let's talk The Mouse...

We set off for warmer destinations on Disney's Magic. Despite my initial trepidation, I have to say that we truly enjoyed ourselves. The destinations were awesome (although St. Marten is looking a little worse for wear) and the Eggroll truly had a blast. 

Disney does a lot of things right with these cruises. There's plenty for everyone to do. As a family we enjoyed all 3 stage shows, "Tangled" in 3D, character appearances, and dinners together every night. The Eggroll loved the idea of the "Oceaneer's Club" along with Mickey's pool and Himself and I availed ourselves of the wine list. I defy anyone to find a better way to watch the Bears play in the middle of January

There were a few things that got to me after a few days. The Mouse, he is everywhere. The curtains, the blankets, the rugs, the floors. The Mouse decides what you watch on TV (8 out of 12 channel offerings were Disney. We had a tough time getting the score for the Green Bay game). Your food may or may not be in the silhouette of the mouse. It's a bit unnerving after a while. Then there are the people. They are lovely...in a Stepford Mouse sort of way. I believe in greeting people, if you ask me how I am, I will give you a reply and then I will ask you the same. No matter who I asked or when, the answer was always "Magical". I know we stay in character for the kids, but I've got to say, after a few days?? Totally creepy.

Then there were the lines. Good God, you must line up for absolutely everything! I actually got in line the day we were leaving, just because I had gotten so used to it. I didn't need to be there, I was actually free to continue down the hallway. 

 

We had some wonderful happen as well. Our cabin attendant was awesome. I love folks who put in that little bit of extra thoughtfulness. We got the usual turndown in the evening and the hilariously funny towel animals, and then one night, the Eggroll got a surprise. We had been to the aquarium on the island and I had gotten a stuffed stingray for her. (to go with her octopus of course) We stored her stuffed animals in the cabinet with the blankets and when we came in that evening, she was all smiles to discover that the "elves" had left her a giant stingray to match the small one.

 

 

Such a thoughtful thing to do...

The other bit of wonderful was the way my illness was handled. I have celiac, and while I don't make a big deal out of it, it was lovely to have my meals specially handled without me having to do a thing. Normally I dance around the menu, picking and choosing the things that are a safe bet for me. Evenings rolled around and our server merely told me what he had ordered for me. I had veto power, but I only exercised that once. So nice not to be responsible for myself if only for a little while.

The only complaint that I truly had was that none of the literature made mention of the fact that most of the outlets in the cabin are European. This caused a bit of a kerfluffle when Himself's CPAP machine couldn't be plugged in bedside. We were forced to run an extension cord across the room to another outlet. Not tragic, but certainly not the safest thing if you have a child who gets up in the middle of the night. I didn't think too much about it, but I did write about it on the survey thingie they give you on the last night. Color me surprised when I received a call from Disney several days after I got home. They offered their apologies and then asked me for suggestions. Seriously, just put it in the literature. Most of us who travel have our own converters...

Would I do it again? For a destination, yes. We've already discussed doing the Alaska thing with them just because the weather can be so iffy in Alaska. We'd love for the Eggroll to see Alaska, but we're not so foolish as to think that sitting on the balcony watching otters and whales is going to be enough for her. When it comes to kids, Disney does it right...

The One About What Happens When I Try To Fix Stuff

I'm one of those people who "fixes" stuff. If I think you're hurt, if I think you're in pain, it turns into my life's mission to fix it. Add that to the fact that I'm a Daddy's girl and it almost explains this:

This is the Sentinel. 27 pounds of Brittany that not only thinks she's a Rottweiler, but has to be maintained on anti-anxiety meds. I got her for my dad after his 13 year-old female passed away. The Sentinel is a beautiful dog, very sweet, very loving and very, very crazy. Since my Dad still has a 13 year old male, it's a very bad match. The breeder said I could bring her back, the Eggroll says that she's her favorite, and Himself and I.... well, we're weak. Oh yeah, and then there's my dad, who didn't get the dog... 

I need to let people fix their own stuff...

The One About the Parenting Thing

Just because I'm difficult that way, I'm going to keep the whole Amy Chua, Tiger Moms thing going for one more day. To tell the whole truth, I actually do my writing the day before posting, so this topic is pretty fresh while I'm writing it, it may be redundant to you..

If you haven't already read the WSJ piece, you can read it here: 

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html

Go ahead, I'll wait....

There have been a number of pieces written about this. Google the topic and you should receive a plethora of opinions. Some grounded in fact, some in emotion. Almost all of them disagree with the idea that the Chinese or Asian style of parenting is somehow superior to western style. I'm not sure that I agree.

Many will cite the high rate of suicide among Asian Americans (women in particular). While it's certainly not something to ignore, it is quite possible that there are other factors that contribute to that number besides the pressure to excel and conform. WHO statistics still put the US rate of suicide considerably higher than any Asian country and I would think that the pressure to excel and conform is much higher in home countries where an entire family's very survival may depend on the earning capabilities of their children. 


The next thing that comes to my mind are the western "uber" moms along with their partners, the "sports" dads. Aren't they, in essence. doing the same thing? The articles on over scheduling and ten-year pre-school waiting lists, not to mention the numerous incidents of sports related fights and worse among PARENTS would indicate that these parents are viewing sports and education as anything but pressure free... I suppose that they might say that they're creating a "well-rounded" child, but are they??

The next thing that seems to bring about great furor is the name calling thing. This subject is the one that seems to get under people's skin the most. As parents, there are those moments, there are those days, when "my beloved child" is just not the correct description. Heck, we call our daughter TLC (the littlest communist) as a joke, but there are days when it fits her to a tee. I have looked at my child and told her to stop being a "brat". Does anyone out there really think that a four year old kid can differentiate between the verbs "being" and "acting"??? Have I damaged her already?? Puhleeze! If my, or any other child for that matter, is somehow "damaged" by the occasional rantings of a frustrated parent, they've got bigger problems than whatever name they're being called.

My favorite thought on this whole discussion is the education part. Asian children consistently outperform their western counterparts across the board in education. There's a dirty little rumor out there that many universities were, for a time, limiting enrollment of Asian students. Why? Because the Asian students were skewing the curve, making the US students and the schools they attended look less competent, thus, less attractive to alumni and prospective students alike. Unless someone can point me to a genetic difference in Asian students, I almost have to believe that there are distinct cultural and societal differences throughout an Asian childhood. That leaves the door wide open to debate the difference between Asian and Western philosophy in parenting, both at the nuclear and extended level.


Certainly no one has to agree entirely with Ms.Chua's thesis. But one would be a fool not to consider it....

The One About The Education of Tiny Humans

 

 

  

So the Eggroll came home from pre-school the other day all puffy and proud of herself telling Himself and I that she learned a new word. She plunked herself down at the table, handed me a sheaf of papers, and proudly began spelling.

"B..E..F..O..R..E..!" she crowed triumphantly. "Before! See Mama, I learned a new word!"

"What do you think it means?" I asked.

"That there's a princess and a castle..."

"There's a princess and a castle? Is that what before means?"

And the whole thing spiraled down the rabbit hole. I should have gone through the sheaf of papers first. Had I done that, I might have discovered that the Pre-K teachers had decided that it would be a fabulous idea to teach the kids to read. And that they were kind enough to include some homemade flashcards and a lovely letter that explained why we, as parents, should be ever so grateful that they will be teaching our children to read by using "sight identification" or "Sight Words". I AM NOT GRATEFUL! NOT GRATEFUL AT ALL...

The premise of this silliness is that almost half of written material is made up of 100 of these 220 words. The Dolch Sight Word List. And that these words are best learned by sight, rather than phonetics. Many of these words are known as "exception" words, that is, words that don't adhere to basic phonics. The idea being that the child will be successful early on. The definition of success in this case is being able to identify the word on the flashcard.

We teach phonics in this house. I learned to read that way (and read by the age of three) and Himself learned to read that way (he also was reading before kindergarten). To be fair, as children we both tested out well above the "gifted" level at the time. He more than I. The first step, obviously, is sounding out words,and then "chunking" where certain letters that appear together often are sounded out (e-a, o-u, o-a). These two steps gives children the tools needed to be able to sound out any word. Not memorize a word based on a flashcard. Take that word out of context (flashcard) and studies have shown that 80% of children can't sound out or identify the word. 

So needless to say, I have problems with this. First, I think it's teaching to lowest common denominator. Every child in the class gets a pat on the back since they can recite the words. Hell, half the kids probably don't even have to think, they can just harmonize with the rest of the class.

Second, I don't think it give children tools. Once kids have the correct tools, they can read/learn at whatever pace they choose. Phonics is a tool. It can be used on any word in the language, not just 220 that appear on a list.

Next is comprehension. What about the words on a page that aren't part of the magic 220? What then? Speaking of that, what about the success thing? Does the child then fail because they don't know or can't sound out a word that isn't on the list??

I want my child to have self-esteem. I think everyone does. But I want my child to gather her self-esteem from the actual learning, the actual act of doing something well, figuring out something herself, using her tools. Not from being able to recite a list of words along with everyone else.

I also must admit that this system has me thinking that the teachers truly are lazy. It must be tons easier to have a group of kids recite a list of words than it is to make sure each child is pronouncing each sound correctly. And I can't help but be sore about that one because I'm paying for this....

If there are any parents out there who would like to offer their opinion on the matter, I'd love to hear from you.

 

The One About Black and White

 

 

 

Several weeks ago, Himself was outside with the Eggroll. Our neighborhood is ripe with little kids and there was a small group of them playing across the street. The Eggroll, being the social little kid that she is, wanted to play with the other kids and as she started across the street, one of the kids yelled "You can't come over here because you're black and white". 

I think time may have stopped for Himself. The Eggroll stated that she is in fact NOT black and white, she's Chinese. She returned to her father and shortly thereafter they both came into the house.

When he told me the story, I was a little put off, but not nearly as upset as he was. I told him that I was going to see the offending child's mother at a function, and if I had an opportunity, I would speak to her about it. The function came and went and although she was there and we spoke, the time to bring up something such as that just never arose. Himself was disappointed but not particularly upset.

Several days ago, I caught the Mom on the street. We chatted for a few minutes and since we were alone, I decided that the time was right for a difficult topic. As I relayed the story, I didn't flat out tell her that it was HER child that had uttered the phrase. I just said that one of the kids did it and that I thought she should be aware. She apologized profusely for the incident and I told her that it certainly didn't bother us, but it certainly might not be received well in other company. 

Situation resolved....

When I told Himself about the conversation, he was disappointed that I had not pointed out to her that it was her kid. He felt as though I let her off the hook. I told him that no matter how you word that one, no one is going be open and receptive when you accuse their kid of any kind of racism. It's calling them a racist by proxy...just not going to work....

And then, a half an hour later ...

"Oh Shit!" (he's watching the baseball game)

"Whassamatter? They give up another run?"

"No, no. Oh shit!"

"What is your issue?"

"The White Sox dammit!"

"What?"

"The White Sox, Nyt... their slogan.."

"What about their slogan?"

"Their slogan is "it's black and white" and we've had so many conversations with those parents about who's a Sox fan and who's a Cub's fan..."

"Oh shit...indeed"

 

 

Situation not exactly resolved.....

The One About Keeping It Simple, Stupid

I think life is inherently simple. In other words, I think that there are basic things that work 99.99% of the time.

Tired? Then sleep.

Hungry? Then eat.

Confused? Ask a question.

Still confused? Ask some more questions.

Still confused? Do your research.

Angry? Say it out loud.

Hurt? Say that out loud too.

Falling behind? Work harder.

Dirty? Clean it.

I have a very simplistic view of my life... do unto others...

The other day, Himself and the Eggroll were hanging in the front of the house. The kids across the street were outside playing and as any four year old will tell you, it's way more fun to hang with other kids than it is to hang with your parents. As Himself and the Eggroll headed across the street, the youngest tow-headed little girl yelled "Eggroll, you can't come over here because you're black and white". 

??????????

Himself explained that the Eggroll is not black and white, but Chinese. The Eggroll chimed in with "I'm from China" and the two of them returned home forthwith. After relaying this incident to me, I soothed both of the offended parties and promised that I would speak to the Mom at the BTS luncheon that's happening in a few days.

Simple right? 

Not so much. See there's nothing in my simple bag of tricks for this one.  I know I have to say it, but I'll be damned if I know HOW to say it. How do I say this one without a) making someone sound like a racist or b) making myself sound like a petty fool or c) making people uncomfortable or d) all of the above??

Under the category of "do unto others" I have to say that I would want to know if my kid behaved this way, or said something like that. But I also know that my kid's behavior is a reflection of myself and Himself. And as a wife and a parent I will defend both of them to the death. I have to assume that it's that simple for other folks as well. 

That simple fact plus my simple fact leaves me with a complicated conversation, and a whole bunch of considering to do in the meantime. 

 

The One About Revolution and Responsibility

I'm a little bit in love with Jamie Oliver. I've admired his take on food since back in the day when he was the "Naked Chef". Now, I'm in love with the "Food Revolution". I've had many gripes about food and the way we eat in this country for a long time. I'm so pleased that the issue is moving to the forefront.

What has blown me away with this, is the lack of responsibility that parents accept when it comes to their children. A six year old that doesn't know how to use a knife and fork? Children that can't identify even half of the raw veggies shown to them. A tomato for a potato?? Really??

I had a meeting the other day for the Eggroll's IEP. I love her current speech teacher and we happened to wander into the topic of Food Revolution and parents expectations for "school" in general. Along with the idiocy that is the educational system. For instance, in my district, they do teach a section on food and nutrition, beginning in kindergarten. But the cafeteria fare is the standard carb rich chicken nuggets, pizza and mac and cheese. Way to walk the talk!


Seriously, if I hear one more parent tell me that "she/he only eats chicken nuggets" or hotdogs or whatever, I'm going postal. Or the ever popular "but that's what he/she likes"... I don't give a damn what he/she likes... it's my responsibility as a parent to grow the healthiest child I can. That means more fresh fruit than canned, more fresh vegetables than frozen and more lean protein than fatty goodness. Oh and did I mention the carbs?? Yeah..less of the garbage ones.

I would love to offer my kid absolutely everything she wants. But I can't. I'm her parent, not her playmate. And it's my responsibility to behave that way....

The One About Funny, Frustrating and Fascinations

Some of the stuff that's rattling around in my noggin....

• The Eggroll has now learned to declare that she's "okay". Now, it's fabulous that she's using her words, but the "I'm okay" declaration comes after she makes any kind of noise at all. Flush the toilet? "I'm okay!" Drop a crayon? "I'm okay!" Stomp your foot? "I'm okay!" Move the chair? "I'm okay!" The list is just about endless. The amusing portion of this is that she's learning about inflection in speech, so the "okay" takes on all different intonnations... I'm O-kay, I'm o-KAY, I'm OOOOkay, Okaaaaaayy. I had no idea that there so darn many.

• Morning dressing around here seems to be taking a bit longer since the Swooper has discovered that he can make the Eggroll insane. He currently feels that it's his job to to steal her clean clothes. Oddly enough, he has no interest in the dirty stuff. He sits patiently waiting for her to be in the middle of taking off her PJ's or putting on her underwear and then he sidles up, picks up whatever has been left unattended, and saunters away. Funniest moment that I didn't have a camera for?? The Eggroll confronting the Swooper. He with her socks in his mouth and she naked as a jaybird, hands on hips telling him that those sock are "not yours".

•  Our home improvement investment this year involved a new airconditioner, furnace and a tankless hot water heater. As usual, it started out simple (Boob sweat! Fix my AC!) and morphed into a project. (AC unit too small for house, furnace cannot accommodate larger unit and what the hell, as long as you're in there let's do the water heater) Now while I currently have no idea whether or not the HE airconditioner is saving us any money, I'm pleasantly surprised to report that the water heater is costing us about half as much to run as the standard tank heater we had previously. Add that to the constant hot water, and well, you have a happy Nyt. A Nyt that can be found floating in her giant tub WHILE the washer's running! Nirvana!

• We are on our third faucet for the kitchen sink. When the first two went bad, I pleaded with handyman guy to check the old water heater. I figured that the tank had to be sending bits of something through the lines that kept screwing up my kitchen faucet. 3 faucets in 3 years?? He scolded me for even thinking that, the water heater might be bad, after all it wasn't leaking. After replacing the original heater with the tankless, he declared that I should never have another problem, since all the sludge and decay that was screwing up my faucets was now gone. I found myself somewhere between confusion and vindication....

• Much to Himself's consternation, the Eggroll knows her motorcycles. She can pick out a Harley and loudly declares the rest "rice burners". My bad.....
  

The One About Enforcer Bunny

This sweet looking critter is the "Enforcer Bunny" and he rules the Eggroll with an iron carrot....

During our trip to the Great Southwest, a friend of mine left the bunny on the doorstep. She called to tell me it was there and I brought it in and set it on the counter while Eggroll was napping.

It was one of those "throwdown" days, where every fifteen minutes Eggroll was having a fit over one thing or another. I forgot about the bunny on the counter, and later on that evening, she noticed it. She immediately declared it "Eggroll's Bunny". I was exhausted, and I'd had enough for the day. I told her she could have the bunny when she had a day with no "fits".

Bunny sat on the counter for two days. Each day she'd ask me about it and each day I told her she could have it when she went a day without a fit. On the third day, while I was putting her to bed, I asked her which one of her stuffed hippos she'd like to sleep with. She looked at me and began wagging her finger back and forth. And then, my child, who rarely speaks more than three words together, said "No fits today, I can have the bunny"..... She got the bunny and I laughed until the tears ran.

Since then, Bunny has become the enforcer. Fits can be quelled instantly with the threat of Bunny denial...

I love the bunny...

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The One About F*&k Me Fridays

Fridays around here blow. While most of America looks forward to Fridays eagerly, I dread the day. Friday is my Monday.

On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, the Eggroll attends a local program in the morning. She loves it there, and for the most part I love having her there. And then there are FRIDAYS.

My child is an extraordinary child in so many ways. She is bright, engaging, intelligent and beautiful. But, like many post-institutionalized kids, she bears some scars. The first involves food. After 10 months with us the "hoarding" that some kids display has not improved with the Eggroll, if anything it's gotten worse. She will literally eat herself to the point of illness if allowed. The second is initiation. While most three year olds will tell you what they want, get a toy down, or make requests spontaneously, my child will only do those things if forced to. We have a rule in our house, don't ask, don't get and it has worked fabulously for her..... as long as she's here...

Three mornings a week while at "play" her every whim is catered to. She does not have to speak to get what she wants, she doesn't have to use her table manners, she merely points, looks at the caretakers, or cries. And it works...every damn time.

Then we have the food thing. Seriously, the way they feed children is horrifying. More horrifying is the fact that they are following STATE mandates and guidelines for nutrition. Wednesday the children dined on a lunch of breaded chicken nuggets, rice pilaf, bread and butter, canned fruit, and milk. Yesterday, they were treated to a delightful meal of salsbury steak, mac&cheese, bread and butter, canned fruit and milk. Can we say carbohydrate overload?? And the portions?? OMG!

Now lest you think that I'm not mother of the year, know that I have looked into other programs, and they're all about the same. Unless I want to pay 15k to 20k a year for private pre-school, I'm pretty much stuck with what I've got.

But on to the subject of this post which is F*&k Me Friday. We begin our day with a 5:30am call from the Eggroll, who not only has to go potty, but has generally wet whatever she has on. A quick trip to the potty, a fast change of clothes and sheets, and back to bed she goes. Usually crying for two reasons. First she has wet herself and second, she would really like to get up. F*&k me!

Upon the second awakening, it's time to get dressed. More tears as she is denied the super special Elmo undies (those are a treat for when everything is dry). F*&k me! Then it's down the stairs to begin the day. She puts herself in the chair, which she has pulled away from the table and then sits down. Moments later there is crying because her chair is too far from the table. I will ask her what she needs and there is more crying...no words... F*&% me! After several minutes of prompting and cajoling she spits out a "help, push chair in please". Yea! Moving on.. Next comes an unprompted request for water. We're doing well here... and then....nothing! And I mean nothing...for what seems like hours at a time. There's pointing...there's naming of objects....but there's nothing else. I make breakfast and she names everything on my plate. Then she requests a toy, I ask her if it's time for that toy, she says it is... F*&k me! I have to honor her request. It's supposed to be good for her comprehension. More requests, all for different toys, each time she's asked if it's time for that toy, if it's time to play. Each time she answers yes, each time her request is honored. F*&k me! Breakfast falls by the wayside... tears ensue....

This will go on for hours, currently, I'm on my third hour at the kitchen table. My ass is numb, my work isn't done and my kid is staring vacantly out the window. She'll point, I'll ask "what is it?" she'll refuse to answer, I'll point out that she needs to answer, she'll cry... it will continue this way until naptime. F*&k me!

She knows how to do all of this. She knows the names of so many things, she knows how to request, she knows how to initiate...until Friday...on Friday she is clueless. On Friday she waits for someone to read her mind. This afternoon will be slightly easier and tomorrow will be easier still. By Sunday we'll be back to routine, Monday we'll enjoy it and Tuesday...well Tuesday is the first step on the path to F*&k Me Friday.

I can't help but wonder if it's worth it. I know that she needs the socialization that those 3 morning provide, but I can't help but wonder. I lose a whole morning with my child just waiting for her to do what she's capable of. I spend the rest of my time as disciplinarian, correcting that which was allowed during those three days. (Seriously, hands IN the food???) And I spend a lot of time dealing with the fabulous mood swings that a good kiddie carb crash brings on. And I wonder if it's worth it...

I'm disheartened by what I see in our kids educational system. Rather than lifting children up, the system seeks to bring them all down to the same level. For example...normally, my kid has impeccable table manners. She actually came to us that way. But she's not praised for that, other children are not encouraged to be like her, it's perfectly fine if her and their skills suffer. Same thing with speech. I'm sure there are other children who speak much better than she does, but it's just fine if she never improves. The herd mentality wins every time. Sad but true...

I'm disheartened by what I see our kids eating. I'm not against some good mac and cheese, but could we balance that with something that's green perhaps? Instead of having kids name all the food groups, might we actually feed them something from all of those groups?? I have to laugh when I hear parents complain about potty training, bed-wetting, behavior problems and the rest...especially when they're handing their kids a juice box to wash down their nuggets and fries with?? Anyone see the connection? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

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The One About How I Am HUGE in China

I never finished the China posts... So in my quest to organize my life, you will find, from time to time disjointed posts about random stuff that I forgot to finish. Or maybe I didn't forget, maybe I've been meaning to but life got in the way.

Once we landed in Beijing, I was convinced I had entered the 7th circle of Hell. I had been awake for more than 24 hours, sick with the whoopsies for the 12 hours before that, and I had just arrived to 106 degrees with 98% humidity. The only thing that I could think about was a bed and some air-conditioning.... I would get the bed...I would miss the air-conditioning... The one thing that kept running through my head was "death is not an option".


Blessedly, our delayed flight got us into Beijing in the evening, rather than early afternoon, so the whole jet lag thing was solved in pretty short order. We boarded a bus for the trip to our hotel. We arrived at the hotel, checked in, and immediately went to our room. After boiling some water for tooth brushing, and taking our injections, we crawled into the kind of small bed and crashed. We slept fitfully throughout the night, restless to begin with, and the swamp cooler blowing cool but wet air at us didn't help...at least it didn't help me....


A word here about Himself. I seemed to have scored myself the most "durable" fellow around. I call him "Gentle Ben" from time to time...he's the size of a large bear and about as furry. Folks look at him and wonder if size really does matter... it doesn't. He is uneffected by climate, can sleep soundly at the drop of a hat, and will travel miles on foot without so much as a blister. You can load him down with packages, walk him fifteen miles in the blistering sun and he won't issue a single complaint. As a matter of fact, he'll help little old ladies across the street and carry their packages at the same time. I have yet to run across one thing that he won't try, and he's always "up" for the next adventure. It's amazing and humbling at the same time.


And then there's me... the "bitcher". Totally climate sensitive. The planets must align correctly for me to sleep well and I must have the proper equipment to travel miles on foot. I will pass out in the heat and my hands and legs will seize in the cold. And I will tell anyone who'll listen. I will tell them a lot...like every five minutes. Oooh yeah, and I'll cry too. Purely out of frustration, but I will cry. And as for that little old lady??? Man up Sally....carry your own shit. I'm up for the next adventure, and I'll enjoy it, but I'll bitch and moan the whole way. Travel with us my friends, and you will discover the meaning of "polar opposites".


The following morning, Himself wandered about, gathering water and cigarettes while I tried to regain a wee bit of my dignity. One of the few things that Himself and I have in common is the fact that we're both early risers. Especially when traveling. By the time most folks get out of bed, we've been up for hours, wandered about, perhaps already had breakfast. I say perhaps because we're usually up before the kitchen is even open...unless we're near a truck stop... or a Denny's. The group was scheduled to do some touring, so I prepared myself accordingly...


A word about me. I am not a conventionally attractive woman. Many people use the term "striking" when describing me and I choose to believe that they mean it in a good way. I stand over six feet tall, and I am not model thin. I have a real body with some junk in the trunk and hands and feet that are proportionate for my size. I'm not obese, but I'll never be mistaken for skinny. That being said, I realized early on in my life that I was never going to look like everyone else, so I don't try. I actually do the opposite. I'm very graphic, choosing to emphasize my differences rather than try to disguise them. As an example, after Momma died, the hair at my temples went totally gray. My solution? I had my stylist bleach out large chunks of my red hair. So, I sport some Lily Munster stripes. Totally white. Totally obvious.... Here at home, people look and occasionally comment and even when we were in Europe, I'd get some "looks" from time to time, but nothing...absolutely nothing... prepared me for China...

Later that morning, the group boarded a tour bus ( I love tour buses...they have real air-conditioning) and headed for the Great Wall. Despite the heat and humidity, Himself and I decided that the once in a lifetime opportunity far outweighed the uncomfortable and we headed off to "walk the wall". I made it to the first battlement. (probably a little over a mile) Between the heat, the pollution, and the general malaise from traveling, I felt somewhat woozy. I chose to stay in the battlement, while Himself continued on to the end of the section (where there was a roller coaster?!?). I settled in, arranging myself and rearranging myself whenever there was a breeze. After a few minutes a little boy ran up to me and grabbed me around the leg. I smiled and patted his head, he darted off and returned a few moments later with his entire family. They wanted to take a picture with me. Ummm... okay... then there was another family, and another, and another... By the time Himself returned I had taken pictures with no less than 25 families. I joked that I should have charged a few yuan per photo, and maybe I could have paid for the trip. I reasoned that the Great Wall is a destination for all Chinese. Many of these folks had probably never seen a Caucasian, much less a Caucasian that looked like me. I figured that they'd be interested in Himself as well, him being a man of size and all....they weren't... nor were they interested in anyone else in our group. I thought it was odd, but I also thought it was important to be gracious. We joked about it with our group (who I really think thought we were lying) and wrote it off.


The next day, we visited Tienemen Square and it happened again. This time it happened in front of everyone and it made it difficult to navigate the Square. It happened at the Summer Palace, in restaurants, on the street, everywhere... Anywhere we went, if people weren't outright asking for photos, they were surreptitiously snapping away with their cell phones. The click and whirrr sound followed us everywhere. It was amusing for the first few days, then it became downright annoying, and after that, it made both Himself and I positively homicidal. The culture in China is such that in their society it's perfectly acceptable to behave this way, it's perfectly acceptable to say things out loud and in front of someone that we in Western culture would never consider.


So should you receive a postcard from a Chinese friend, or open a Chinese book or magazine and they contain pictures of a large white woman with striped hair.... well.... it's me.... and I'm HUGE in China!!

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The One About The "Story"

One of my favorite websites is www.salsainchina.blogspot.com. M3 has done a wonderful job of chronicling their adoption journey and their daily life. I check in almost daily, although I've just de-lurked recently. Her current topic is talking to your children about adoption. Any surprise here that I find myself on the "other side of the fence"?

The current trend is to tell your children all about their adoption. I'm not sure I agree. As a matter of fact, I know I don't.....

For starters, it should be mentioned that I am an adult adoptee of an adoptee. Yes, that's right folks, I'm a third generation adopter. My view is different. I'm also a good ten to fifteen years older than most of the folks with children the Eggroll's age. That makes the view a bit different as well.

I am pretty much stunned that folks are choosing to burden their (young) children with the past. Pouring over life-books, telling the "story" over and over...really?!? Ooo and the ones that try and explain the "one-child" thing to a small child? They flat-out scare me.

Kids need to know that they're adopted. But they need to know within the context of RIGHT NOW, not yesterday. They need to know that all families are different, and every family comes to be a family a different way. They need to know that they belong with OUR family, that they are wanted by the family that they have RIGHT NOW and that nothing is ever, ever, going to change that.

I've never agreed with the families that choose to emphasize the differences. There's a whole group of families out there that celebrate all things Chinese. Because their children are Chinese... but how many of these families are celebrating all things from their own heritage as well? How many of these families are actually celebrating and reveling in ALL of the cultures that make up their family? My best guess is, not many....

So, there are families out there trying to be "honest" with their children. And I think that's a good thing.. but when the "honesty" becomes consuming, when the "story" of the past takes precedent over the "story" of the present...that's a problem..

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The One About The Stuff We Teach Our Kids
Without Really Trying...

Before the Eggroll's arrival, I had made a conscience effort to control my language. Let's face it folks, I spent my formative years in the garage or the bar with a bunch of grease monkeys and felons. Then there were the years on the floor of the commodities exchange. It would not be an exaggeration when I say I could make a sailor blush.. and not in a good way either. I calmed down some over the years, but, like any other human being, I'm flawed. And let's face it, sometimes a good !*&@# just fits the occasion, or the person...whatever...

One we got the referral for the Eggroll, I started on a mini-mouth-makeover. I began to substitute ordinary or nonsense words for the offensive ones. I tried...oh how I tried.. And now my child....well...my child has learned a few things....

While searching for something that Himself had put away, I declared him a "pinhead". Now, if you ask the Eggroll what Daddy is, she'll say "pinhead". She also waves bye-bye to him while declaring "Bye-bye Pinhead!" I'd nip this behavior in the bud if I wasn't laughing so damn hard.

Inanimate objects frustrate me. One evening, while trying to get a movie to load in the DVD player I started madly pushing the button and yelling "HELLO!?! HELLO!?!" at the television screen. Now, when you turn on a DVD the Eggroll says to the screen "Hello, hello, movie"

I chatter incessantly to my child. It's supposed to be good for her language skills. When going through a store, or running errands, I usually say "we're moving on" when one task is finished. The other day, while I was comparing prices at the local Tarjay, my child, apparently bored in the cart, started yelling.."Moving on, we're moving on!" We moved right on to the ladies room before I wet my pants.

Then there's the whole road rage thing... I've got it.. I accept it... Recently, after a particular test of my driving reflexes, I ended up in the wrong lane. I swerved rather roughly and after the "Wheeee!" from the small child, I said something like "sorry baby, Momma did the stupid". Now my kid looks up at me in the kid mirror and says "momma stoooopid". Again, I'd correct that one too if it didn't make me laugh so hard.....

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The One with Recaps and Opinions

Well then, the last couple weeks have just kind of flown by. We've been busy around here at the House of Nyt...

• The Eggroll had her lucky toe removed. When we first started the process, we were prepared for the worst case scenario. I am pleased to report that there were no pins involved, no medications necessary, and that she is already out of her cast. No one has any idea how thrilled I am for her that it ended up being sooo easy. Within two days of surgery, she was walking on her cast and life was pretty much normal. The kid amazes everyone, no complaints, no fussing, nothing.... We had her cast removed yesterday and everyone remarked at how easy she was.. It is a bonus with kids that have been institutionalized, some are very used to being handled by a myriad of people. The minus, of course, is that it makes it very difficult to teach the whole "stranger danger" thing. I do notice though, that if she's in her "own" surroundings that she is loathe to deal with strangers. I met GB and his hubby for lunch the other day and I opened Vanbo's door before I got out. GB reached in to take her from her car seat and all hell broke loose. Let's just say...people stared...
• We're having a case of the "3's". Every direction is challenged (usually with tears) and absolutely everything is a tradgedy of epic proportions. Seriously... If you ask the Eggroll "who's moaning myrtle?" she replies with a grin... "I'm moaning myrtle!" With Himself back on the night shift, I've suggested earplugs....strongly... BTW, I'm turning into my own parents... I just turn up the TV or radio when the screaming begins... LOL! I'm not holding out for "mother of the year 2009".
• I'm not making much progress on reducing the "stuff" taking over the House of Nyt. So far I've only managed to get one huge bag to Goodwill. Speaking of donations.. I used to donate to a community group that helps families in need. They've begun dictating exactly what they want, how they want it, and when they want it. I find it rather ungrateful myself... I'm not sure I know anyone who has the time to sort and classify their donations, and then drop those donations only on the day of the week assigned to them. I'm serious... this group wants women's clothes on monday after 1pm and childrens clothes on tuesday between 2 and 4....etc. Small wonder my stuff is now going to Goodwill...
• I have managed to read a book. Not earth-shattering, I know...but I've been so involved with everyone else that I'd forgotten about me...
• Our six-month "inspection" is tomorrow. Yeah... that's when I let a complete stranger into my home to judge my parenting skills and my home in general....Crap! I just remembered that Ms. Judgey needs photos! Next on the to-do list....
• The Swooper continues to get larger and larger. I have an appointment for him this afternoon, I'll be interested to see how much he actually weighs. He's also developed a fondness for sleeping in the bed. And one other thing that just warms my soul... he's beginning to "talk". My Ancient Brit used to talk by snapping his teeth together and growling different intonations. Swooper is starting the same thing...makes me smile every time.
• "Fatburger" will not make you fat. We stopped there on Saturday for dinner and by Sunday I had relearned the definition of "explosive" when it comes to bodily fluids. Yet two more days on the Gatorade and Coke diet. Not the healthiest, but at least my jeans are looser. As a totally unrelated and politically incorrect aside... there were 4 folks of the Caucasian persuasion in Fatburger... we were 2 of them....
• Disney on Ice should be renamed, "Grift the Parents". May I say that a $300 dollar day for a three year old is a bit on the excessive side. I'm not kidding. $200 bucks for tickets, $20 to park, $30 for popcorn and soda, $15 for the souvenir...and a bite to eat afterward?? In the whole plus/minus thing, she really enjoyed it and actually paid attention to the show... on the minus side, we ran into one of the women from the adoption group ahead of ours. She's really not our biggest fan, the feeling is mutual... and all it led to was "awkward"... I'm really glad your child is happy and adorable... but really, is there any event that you'll shower for???
• If the whole country is saving their money, why is there a 30 minute wait at my local Red Robin?? If the whole country is broke why is there no parking at my local mall??
• I'd like to opt out of the whole stimulus package thing. And I'm frightened by the stuff that has been slipped in. If you haven't read it...do so... make your own call... but the parallels to Socialist Europe are frightening.
• I'm amused to no end by a friend's comment.."If you're on the right side, the Chocolate Jesus will shit M&M's for you"... and I thought I wasn't a believer... LOL!
• I'm off to complete today's chores... I've already cleaned the playroom ( yes there was bleach involved) and now the rest of the house awaits....

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The One Where Sweet Isn't Just For Candy

Seriously, the cute is almost painful..... and it scored her a ton of sugar....the real kind.....
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