The One About Inciting a Panic

We are sitting here patiently waiting for the snow to begin. The wind has picked up, the sky is gray, and temperature is dropping. It's on it's way, it will be a rough day or so.

We're ready. There's enough food in the fridge, firewood in the house and gas in the snow blower. The vehicles have enough gas should we need them. We've seen the plow trucks dropping salt ahead of the storm that's coming.

I was raised here. I've spent many winters waiting for the storms. Many winters with sub-freezing temperatures and I'm not alone.

The local news, and even the national news creates an absolute furor with their reporting of the impending storm. People dash around, laying in supplies like they will never see the inside of a grocery store again. Creating a whole different set of problems besides some snow. I hate it.

My conversation with Himself this morning covered the necessary stuff. He'll be in a hotel tonight, close to his job (his is a 24/7 kind of thing). I'll be here, working the snow-blower. There is enough food in the house for a week, firewood for at least that long and at least 3 days worth of water. There's fuel for the generator and enough blankets and comforters for a platoon. The only reasons we'd have to bug-out is roof collapse or water main break (and even the water main thing could wait for several days). All in all, it's not that big of an emergency.

You wouldn't know it to listen to the news though. The local and national talking heads are making it sound like the end of the world is arriving any minute. It's not folks.... it's just a little snow...

The One About Being A Guest

 

 

 

Just a quickie list because I'm swamped. And sick! With my second bout of virus from hell. I'm actually so sick I'm seriously considering calling the doctor. If you know me....that's a really big deal. Anyway, we spent the last week basking in the Carribean sun on the Mouse Boat. It's been a while since I've traveled with a "group" of people, and I'd like to offer a few suggestions for those who....well... don't get out much.

 

 

1) Vacation is not synonymous with anarchy. Really, look it up. Check yourself....

 

2) The people who work on these boats are real people. Treat them accordingly. Please and Thank you will go a long, long way.

 

3) Other guests on these trips would sincerely appreciate you treating them as real people as well. Say "Excuse me" "please" and "thank you". Teach your children and spouse to do the same.

4) Do not throw yourself bodily in front of anyone or anything other than a bullet...

I have more, but I'm off to hack up a lung..... Bringing sexay back aren't I??

The One About Defective and the Rhetoric

This past weekend in Tuscon Arizona, a young man made a somewhat conscious decision to shoot a congresswoman, kill a young child, a federal judge, a few other folks and wound over a dozen more. I have no words for the act, just prayers for the families and those who were hurt or killed.

Himself and I watched and listened with interest in the next few days, and I think we were both disheartened by what we heard and saw.

***********************************************************

I have known my vets since they we were all in high school. We have a friendship as well as a business relationship. They have cried with me, debated with me, and worked with me over more than twenty years. I have never known them to be anything other than thoughtful, compassionate and responsible. So it came as a great surprise to me when I brought the Sentinel and I encountered what I did.

As I was leashing up the Sentinel, a gentleman in a truck next to me took out his Pitbull. The animal was beautiful. Huge head, muscular but proportionate body and that strut... they headed into the office. I chose to wait a few moments, because the 27 pound Sentinel believes that she is a 160 pound Rottweiler. She was in heat at the time and I had noticed that the Pit wasn't neutered. Discretion is the better part of valor and all. A few minutes in the waiting room and I could hear the low, throaty growl of the Pit in the exam room. Then the vet tech came out. And there was more growling. I ushered the Sentinel into another exam room while the receptionist closed the door and windows to her office. 

I heard my vet, my friend, tell the dogs owner, "This dog needs to be destroyed." "He is a liability." "He is dangerous and shouldn't be around people." "This animal is defective." The owner was none to happy and as he strode out of the office, my friend ended with "For God's sake keep that dog away from children!" Needless to say, I was appalled. 

When we stopped talking about the Sentinel, I made mention of the fact that I was shocked by his reaction to that animal. I'm a bleeding heart when it comes to animals (and kids, and old people) and I just couldn't wrap my head around what had happened. "Sometimes, no matter what you do or how you feel, things are just defective" he told me. "As much as I want it to be different, I can't change it and I can't, in good conscience, pretend that it doesn't exist." I spent days thinking about what he said.

************************************************************

After the shooting in Tuscon, the television, radio and internet were abuzz with a singular theory. That somehow, someway, political rhetoric and the divisiveness of the current political climate caused this young man to do the things he did. 

First the blame was laid at the feet of the Tea Party. Then the "right-wingers", then came the right as a whole, and we mustn't forget Sarah Palin... What was missing was the idea that this man was responsible for his own actions. Not that, the rhetoric made him do it. What was missing was the idea that this young man might just be "defective". 

As of this writing, it has come to light that this young man had a very troubled past. That he was refused by the military, dropped out of school, removed from community college, and a whole litany of other things that in hindsight, were warning signs to the nth degree. He is, by all reasonable criteria, "defective". But that's not what people are going to remember. That's not what's going to be printed on the front page of every newspaper, that's not going to be what fuels discussion in the next few weeks...

But maybe it should be.....

The One About Changing History

I'm always curious as to why folks try so hard to change history. The first time I remember being incensed by it is back the the 80's when Turner obtained the Hanna-Barbera catalogs and began systematically re-coloring, re-voicing, or shelving altogether, episodes of Tom and Jerry that may have contained characters that were less than "politically correct". Mammy Two Shoes was given a new voice, the cannibals were set on the shelf and scenes with characters in black face were edited out all together. I'm a bit of a cartoon buff, although Hanna-Barbera was never my thing, I was (and still am) more than annoyed that the "art" of a generation (or two, or three) was altered in the name of "political correctness".

 

These so called "offensive" cartoons were drawn in the 1940's, 50's, and 60's and that language, those depictions were part of the time and the culture. It doesn't make them "right" in doesn't make them less offensive to some, but they are a record of the history of the time. Removing the images and/or altering the language is not going to magically make that history disappear.

The same thing is going on again, this time with Mark Twain's "Huckleberry Finn" This time the idea is to remove the N-word (who am I kidding? the word is "nigger") from the text and replace it with the word "slave". Sadly, these words are not synonyms.

 

"The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter. It is the difference between the lightening bug and the lightening."  - Mark Twain

 

Huckleberry Finn is not just a work of fiction, it is in many senses a historical record. It may not reflect that past in the best light, none the less, it is a reflection. 

I was surprised when I started buying books for the Eggroll. Many of the childhood stories I remember have been altered to be "gentler" or more politically correct. The first one that comes to mind is Little Red Riding Hood. Did you know that the woodsman lets the wolf escape? Yeah, me neither. 

 

I wonder how it is our children are to learn from the past if we continue to change it. We tell them, and ourselves for that matter, that the past is something to be valued, and something to be learned from. And yet, we allow the changes or in some cases make those changes ourselves. To what end?

The One About The Education of Tiny Humans

 

 

  

So the Eggroll came home from pre-school the other day all puffy and proud of herself telling Himself and I that she learned a new word. She plunked herself down at the table, handed me a sheaf of papers, and proudly began spelling.

"B..E..F..O..R..E..!" she crowed triumphantly. "Before! See Mama, I learned a new word!"

"What do you think it means?" I asked.

"That there's a princess and a castle..."

"There's a princess and a castle? Is that what before means?"

And the whole thing spiraled down the rabbit hole. I should have gone through the sheaf of papers first. Had I done that, I might have discovered that the Pre-K teachers had decided that it would be a fabulous idea to teach the kids to read. And that they were kind enough to include some homemade flashcards and a lovely letter that explained why we, as parents, should be ever so grateful that they will be teaching our children to read by using "sight identification" or "Sight Words". I AM NOT GRATEFUL! NOT GRATEFUL AT ALL...

The premise of this silliness is that almost half of written material is made up of 100 of these 220 words. The Dolch Sight Word List. And that these words are best learned by sight, rather than phonetics. Many of these words are known as "exception" words, that is, words that don't adhere to basic phonics. The idea being that the child will be successful early on. The definition of success in this case is being able to identify the word on the flashcard.

We teach phonics in this house. I learned to read that way (and read by the age of three) and Himself learned to read that way (he also was reading before kindergarten). To be fair, as children we both tested out well above the "gifted" level at the time. He more than I. The first step, obviously, is sounding out words,and then "chunking" where certain letters that appear together often are sounded out (e-a, o-u, o-a). These two steps gives children the tools needed to be able to sound out any word. Not memorize a word based on a flashcard. Take that word out of context (flashcard) and studies have shown that 80% of children can't sound out or identify the word. 

So needless to say, I have problems with this. First, I think it's teaching to lowest common denominator. Every child in the class gets a pat on the back since they can recite the words. Hell, half the kids probably don't even have to think, they can just harmonize with the rest of the class.

Second, I don't think it give children tools. Once kids have the correct tools, they can read/learn at whatever pace they choose. Phonics is a tool. It can be used on any word in the language, not just 220 that appear on a list.

Next is comprehension. What about the words on a page that aren't part of the magic 220? What then? Speaking of that, what about the success thing? Does the child then fail because they don't know or can't sound out a word that isn't on the list??

I want my child to have self-esteem. I think everyone does. But I want my child to gather her self-esteem from the actual learning, the actual act of doing something well, figuring out something herself, using her tools. Not from being able to recite a list of words along with everyone else.

I also must admit that this system has me thinking that the teachers truly are lazy. It must be tons easier to have a group of kids recite a list of words than it is to make sure each child is pronouncing each sound correctly. And I can't help but be sore about that one because I'm paying for this....

If there are any parents out there who would like to offer their opinion on the matter, I'd love to hear from you.

The One About What Happens When The Men Talk

For the last year or so, I've been crabbing about space. My home is plenty large enough, but several of the rooms are just set up poorly. Specifically, I still have a formal living room and dining room. The dining room we use from time to time, but the living room? Not so much. My family room is long and narrow with doors and things in odd places. So I broke it into two areas only to discover that we only use one. And that no more than 4 people can be in that area at one time. Which means that someone always ended up sitting on the floor.

So I had an idea. I figured that if I made the living room into the family room then I could turn the family room into a kind of library-office thing that used all of the space instead of just half. I also figured that I could take my time, plan things out, sell off what I didn't need, choose my items carefully.....

Anyone see where this is going???

Oh I found some sofas and a couple of chairs. I decided to repurpose an existing secretary and a few tables. I found a more "family friendly" dining room set that I figured I could wait on... 

And then Himself stopped by Flipper's. BY HIMSELF. And then my phone rang.

Himself: Honey, guess what? Flipper is giving us a big TV for Christmas!

Nyt: Sweetie, we already have a big TV. Did Flipper perhaps fall down and hit his head?

Himself: No honey... a BIGGER TV!

Nyt: Honey, hand the phone to Flipper. (he hands the phone to Flipper) 

(to Flipper) HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND??

Flipper: Nope. Your changing around rooms anyway and you have more than enough wall space. Besides, Himself really wants it.

Nyt: I said I was thinking about it..

Flipper: But he wants it, and I'm getting it..

And 73 inches of high definition goodness was delivered to my home within the week.

Now I am grateful, I really am, but the reality of this is it's like giving someone a puppy. The puppy's awesome, all cute, and playful, and furry. But then the recipient has to get all the things that go with the puppy. And then there are the changes that have to be made because of the puppy. Puppy accessories and accommodations if you will. It's never ending.

Currently, I'm working on the whole custom blind thing. It unnerves me to see cars stop and BACK UP so that perfect strangers can enjoy our movie choices FROM THE STREET!! 

I wonder what costs less. New blinds or one of those speaker thingies like they used to have at the drive-in...

 

The One About Black and White

 

 

 

Several weeks ago, Himself was outside with the Eggroll. Our neighborhood is ripe with little kids and there was a small group of them playing across the street. The Eggroll, being the social little kid that she is, wanted to play with the other kids and as she started across the street, one of the kids yelled "You can't come over here because you're black and white". 

I think time may have stopped for Himself. The Eggroll stated that she is in fact NOT black and white, she's Chinese. She returned to her father and shortly thereafter they both came into the house.

When he told me the story, I was a little put off, but not nearly as upset as he was. I told him that I was going to see the offending child's mother at a function, and if I had an opportunity, I would speak to her about it. The function came and went and although she was there and we spoke, the time to bring up something such as that just never arose. Himself was disappointed but not particularly upset.

Several days ago, I caught the Mom on the street. We chatted for a few minutes and since we were alone, I decided that the time was right for a difficult topic. As I relayed the story, I didn't flat out tell her that it was HER child that had uttered the phrase. I just said that one of the kids did it and that I thought she should be aware. She apologized profusely for the incident and I told her that it certainly didn't bother us, but it certainly might not be received well in other company. 

Situation resolved....

When I told Himself about the conversation, he was disappointed that I had not pointed out to her that it was her kid. He felt as though I let her off the hook. I told him that no matter how you word that one, no one is going be open and receptive when you accuse their kid of any kind of racism. It's calling them a racist by proxy...just not going to work....

And then, a half an hour later ...

"Oh Shit!" (he's watching the baseball game)

"Whassamatter? They give up another run?"

"No, no. Oh shit!"

"What is your issue?"

"The White Sox dammit!"

"What?"

"The White Sox, Nyt... their slogan.."

"What about their slogan?"

"Their slogan is "it's black and white" and we've had so many conversations with those parents about who's a Sox fan and who's a Cub's fan..."

"Oh shit...indeed"

 

 

Situation not exactly resolved.....

The One About Keeping It Simple, Stupid

I think life is inherently simple. In other words, I think that there are basic things that work 99.99% of the time.

Tired? Then sleep.

Hungry? Then eat.

Confused? Ask a question.

Still confused? Ask some more questions.

Still confused? Do your research.

Angry? Say it out loud.

Hurt? Say that out loud too.

Falling behind? Work harder.

Dirty? Clean it.

I have a very simplistic view of my life... do unto others...

The other day, Himself and the Eggroll were hanging in the front of the house. The kids across the street were outside playing and as any four year old will tell you, it's way more fun to hang with other kids than it is to hang with your parents. As Himself and the Eggroll headed across the street, the youngest tow-headed little girl yelled "Eggroll, you can't come over here because you're black and white". 

??????????

Himself explained that the Eggroll is not black and white, but Chinese. The Eggroll chimed in with "I'm from China" and the two of them returned home forthwith. After relaying this incident to me, I soothed both of the offended parties and promised that I would speak to the Mom at the BTS luncheon that's happening in a few days.

Simple right? 

Not so much. See there's nothing in my simple bag of tricks for this one.  I know I have to say it, but I'll be damned if I know HOW to say it. How do I say this one without a) making someone sound like a racist or b) making myself sound like a petty fool or c) making people uncomfortable or d) all of the above??

Under the category of "do unto others" I have to say that I would want to know if my kid behaved this way, or said something like that. But I also know that my kid's behavior is a reflection of myself and Himself. And as a wife and a parent I will defend both of them to the death. I have to assume that it's that simple for other folks as well. 

That simple fact plus my simple fact leaves me with a complicated conversation, and a whole bunch of considering to do in the meantime. 

 

The One About Heirlooms and Albatrosses

 

 

 

Momma was a great collector of stuff, a saver of things, a shopaholic. Every item had meaning and value to her, whether she used it or not. She could pretty much tell you the history and story behind just about every item she possessed. We had a standing joke between us, I would mercilessly tease her about her accumulating exploits and tell her that she couldn't die until she got her "stuff" in order. She would tell me her accumulations were guaranteeing that she would live forever... She didn't and without notice or preparation, I became the Shepard Of Stuff.

 

I grew up learning about the "things" that surrounded me. So many items were tagged with the admonishment to "never get rid of this" or "this belonged to.." or whatever reason she believed gave importance to the selected item. I carry these admonishments with me to this day.

And therein lies the problem...

 

In no particular order I am the owner of:

2 full sets of fine china along with a smattering of odd pieces left over from generations before...

 

An entire set (and I mean every piece made) of Waterford Crystal along with an almost full set of Orrefors.

 

2 full sets of sterling silverware 

 

A 60's era dining room set that I've never really been crazy about but it was my grandmothers so I've toted it with me for the last 20 years...

 

A vast array of chachtkes , paintings and decorative items. Some "quality", some not so much...

 

Plus 20 years of my OWN accumulations and those of Himself..

My many cups runneth over...

 

Recently, Himself and I came to the decision that we are staying right where we are until circumstances change so much that we can't live here. We've been in this house almost seven years and with a little tweaking, it will fit us for many years to come. We've decided to swap some rooms, change some furniture and really make this place suit the way we live. We are not fancy people. Should you enter our home we want you to feel free to have a seat, have a drink, have a meal, tell us your stories, listen to ours, relax, recreate...rest...  We want to be focused on you, your focus to be on us, our mutual focus to be on one another. It's about family, friends and fine times for us, not fancy stuff.

 

Achieving this means unloading much of the "stuff". The same "stuff" that I was told for years was important "stuff", heirloom "stuff", "stuff" that I should never get rid of. But I need to get rid of it. And I'm having a hell of a time doing it. Logically and rationally I know the "stuff" is weighing us down. It's weighing me down. I know that it would never be fair to saddle my husband or my child with the "stuff". But I feel a tremendous amount of guilt each and every time I even consider getting rid of the "stuff". And then there's the "what if I find out that I NEED this "stuff"?" portion of the program. It's making a kind of large project into a kind of huge project. 

 

And it's making me slightly more insane than I was to start with...

The One About Stuff That Irks Me

At the risk of pissing off veterans everywhere, I'm going to share my thoughts on a recent PSA.... take a look...

I'm going to start off here by saying that I'm grateful to all our vets for their service. You all have seen and done things that I hope I never have to and you deserve many thanks for your service.

That being said, let's talk about your service shall we?? The gentleman in the above ad states;
"When I signed on with the National Guard, I did it to help protect America from our enemies, like in the Persian Gulf...Not to clean up an oil company's mess here in the Gulf of Mexico"

First of all my friend, you signed on to the National Guard...you are not regular military. You are activated by your states governor first and then you may be called to federal service as a supplement to regular military. You are routinely called to service during an "official state of emergency"

The current oil spill in the gulf? State of emergency. To suggest that somehow it's not your job but you'll do what you're told is insulting to both those who make a career of military service and to the taxpayers who fund you.

Tornados, hurricanes, floods and the like certainly aren't the stuff of our "enemies" but the Guard is routinely activated to assist in those situations. I'm pretty sure that there's no security risk to a tornado ravaged town in East Podunk.

I get absolutely nuts when folks deem helping "beneath" them. And in this case you're not really "helping" out of the goodness of your heart are you? You're helping because you were ordered to and you're helping because you're being paid to do so. Let's be honest...

No "clean energy" initiative is going to go anywhere if you're going to rely on people's identifying with your sense of entitlement. The folks who don't identify with you won't even give you the time of day (that would be me) and those that do identify with your sense of entitlement will scurry away as soon as something shiny distracts them...

Just my two cents...

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The One About Racism and Criticism

This little gem lives on the back of Vanbo. I vehemently disagree with the current administration and I'm open and willing to discuss that with anyone who would like to. I do not shout my opinion from the rooftops, I do not carry a sign, I do not pass out leaflets. I have a fairly innocuous bumper sticker on the back of my "mom van".

I've formed my opinions by researching topics, I've read HR3200 and the Cap and Trade bill. I read articles everyday from both sides of the debate, and I do my best to consider both sides of any issue. If you ask me a question about a topic, I want to be the person who can not only comment on that topic, but explain "why" I stand in the place I do. I'm happy to listen and engage in any debate, comfortable in knowing that I stand where I do based on reason and logic.

With that in mind, I'm amazed at the reaction this little bumper sticker garners...

The first time it happened was in the Costco parking lot. I had the Eggroll in the cart and was just tossing the last of the purchases in the back of Vanbo, when a couple approached me and offered to take my cart. As I moved to take Eggroll from the cart's seat, the bumper sticker became fully visible.

"You don't like President Obama?" the woman queried.

"No, I'm not sure "like" has anything to do with it, I don't agree with his policies."

"You're just a racist!" the woman scolded. I gazed at the small Asian kid on my hip and then back to her. She stammered for a second before replying "You just don't like black people!"

Oddly enough, they took my cart anyway....

The next time it happened was in the parking lot of our local Wally World. Now I despise Wally World, but my optometrist is there and I love him...so I suffer... As I'm exiting Vanbo, I'm approached by two women. I hadn't even closed the door before I heard "You don't support our President?"

"I support the office of President, but I disagree with the agenda our current President is advocating."

"You're just a racist, you don't like our President because he's black."

"No" I sighed, "I don't agree with him because of his agenda, and I'm a conservative, not a racist"

"You think you're entitled to everything, driving your fancy car (really!?! a mom van is fancy?) and living in your happy little suburb...." There were other cries, but the next thing I remember is the sound of throat clearing and the giant loogie headed my way..

The loogie missed me, and I was out of words for the first time in a long time. The women sauntered away and I stood there for a moment in total disbelief. This is what we've become.

A few years ago, this would have ended differently. A few years ago, the above incident would have ended with the business end of my shoe, or perhaps a tire iron. It's different now, I'm older, wiser, and I have more to lose in this life. I won't rise to the bait.

The common thread in both of these incidences? Both times I (a white woman) was approached by people of color. After the second incident I texted a friend and told her what happened. I also asked if she thought what happened to me was a hate crime. She did, and she encouraged me to call the police. I passed. I had no wish to be on the side of any kind of race crime. Because it's not about that... It's about people's complete lack of civility, it's about people's inability to endure anyone else's opinion but their own. It's about the right to think or speak freely without fear of retribution.

That's right, I said fear. How are we, as a society, going to reach any kind of compromise if we attack one another for a thought or opinion? And how are we ever going to eliminate racisim, when that very kind of behavior encourages people to widen the gap, to cross the street, to ignore the other side. I don't consider myself a racist. Critic? Yes. Racist? No.

But I'm beginning to understand exactly how it happens....


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The One About Stuff I Don't Get

 

 

 

There's a whole bunch of stuff in this life that I'll never understand...

 

* Why the Chocolate Jesus feels the need to have a press conference EVERY SINGLE DAY! For the love of God man, campaign season is over! And furthermore, no matter how often you try and sell a used car, it's still a USED CAR! You can call it whatever you want, you can try and wrap it in pretty paper, it's still a BAD IDEA!

 

* Why people think they're doing my kid a favor when they feed her arbitrarily. My child has a eating disorder, it's documented and we're seeing therapists for it. But somehow, folks just think it's a great thing to feed her whatever, whenever, without asking. Seriously, you'll ask me if it's alright to feed my dog, but you won't ask me about feeding my kid??

 

* What the hell happened to the grown men in my life. Flipper had his annual golf outing, which seemed to turn into nothing but a geriatric frat party. Complete with unconcious party goers, house damage and peeing in the pond... we shall not discuss the age of the participants...

* Why the Swooper eats EVERYTHING. You name it, this dog will attempt to eat it. Wood, paper, plastic, heck, I even caught him with a mouthful of steel wool (that was a C-note worth of X-rays). Perhaps I should send him to therapy with the Eggroll.

* What happened to summer in the Midwest? Sure, now that we replaced the airconditioner, it hasn't gone above 80 in what seems like weeks. On the plus side, we may be able to try out the new furnace since it's dropping into the 50's at night...

* Where the time goes. The Eggroll has now been with us for a little over a year. Parenting still hasn't gotten any easier... LOL!

* Where have all the manners gone? Is there a "manners graveyard" somewhere? Does anyone have directions??

* Why companies are against rewarding customers. Recently, our local cable company offered a sweet deal for new customers. The deal would have shaved almost $60 a month off of our current bill. They won't let us have it, but they've been generous enough to offer us $5 a month off of our current bill. Gee that's swell (insert sarcasm here) You would think that in these tough times that companies would be just as concerned about retention as they are about getting new clients...

* Why it is that folks with "oddities" find it necessary to slap photos of themselves everywhere. Are you unaware of your one wonky eye?? Has no one told you? I'm now no longer reading your posts, I'm staring at the wonky eye. You could be writing earth-shattering revelations and I'm going to miss them because of the wonky eye. Please stop.

*Why every one is an "expert". I'm thinking that the recent, home-grown gradute of UC Berkely is not quite the health care "expert" he's been labeled. Acne treatments do not qualify you as an "expert"

I know, I could have done better... it's not like I haven't had months to work on a decent post... I'll try harder next time...

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The One That May Or May Not Be True

"Wait for meeeee......."

It's a cry heard often on playgrounds, in backyards, on streets, and in homes across the country and around the world. In any language, in any place, the cry is universal. As a matter of fact, you don't even need to speak the language to understand the meaning, you know the sound and you've felt the feeling yourself. Everyone has at one time or another. Everyone at one time or the other, has been the one uttering the plaintive wail.

"Wait for meeeee......"

As parents, we dread the day when our child is the child uttering the wail. We know it will happen, as sure as the sun will rise in the morning, our kid will be the kid left behind at least once in their lives. When it happens, we soothe the offended child. We tell them that they are worthwhile, we tell them that they are valuable, we tell them that we love them. We tell them that every person has value. We tell them that evey human being has something worthwhile within them. Once the wailing has subsided, we tell them to remember this feeling. We tell them to remember so that they won't make someone else feel as bad as they do right now.

"Wait for meeee......"

Inevitably, it will come to pass when our child will be the child who leaves someone behind. And our hearts hurts. Our hearts hurt not only for the child who has been left behind, but for our own child, the one who has done the leaving, because we never wanted them to be burdened with the guilt of hurting another, and we try to teach the lesson once again. We tell them to "bring enough for the whole class" and "how did you feel when that happened to you?". Perhaps we choose another route, perhaps we try and teach them about endurance. We say things like "just play one game with him/her, then you can be on your way." Maybe we go with bribery "if you stop that, I'll get you..." And we hope it doesn't happen again, but we know it will...

"Wait for meeeee...."

As our children age and travel through school and friends, we hear the wail from time to time. Whether it's our child doing the wailing or someone else's, it still hurts our hearts. We still hope that our child will be the child who "gets it". We hope our child is the child who will stand up.

"Wait for meeee...."

It's not so simple for our children, especially as they live their lives outside of our direct control, outside of our sphere of influence. Instead of our approval, they seek the approval of their friends. They seek the acceptance of the "crowd". They seek to be part of the pack. They fear the pack turning on them should they be the ones to stand up, should they be the one who hears the wail, who feels the wail.

"Wait for meeeee....."

We wonder when our children will feel their own power. We wonder when "pack" approval will no longer matter, we pray that that day comes sooner rather than later. Sadly, we know in our hearts that it will never come for some. We hope with all our might that the "some" is actually "some other kid". We hope that we are the example not the lesson. We continue to hope. As we listen the the explanations, the excuses, we continue to hope that our child won't be the child who is responsible for the wail.

"Wait for meeeee..."

For those who's child is the wailer we fervently hope that they discover their power as well. We hope that they learn how to stand up, we hope that they learn to shout....

"Don't wait for meeee..."

The One About Why I'll Never Be Asked To Join the Woman's Club

Today, while waiting for the Eggroll to finish her speech class, I found myself waiting with 2 other Moms. Let's just call them Shiny Suzy and Perfect Patty. They are apparently acquainted and I found myself listening to the following conversation:

Perfect Patty: Hey Suzy, I was thinking of you the other day. Do you have a recommendation for a DJ?

Shiny Suzy: Of course. I don't have it with me but just give me a call. He's great and he's pretty cheap too. Why do you need him?

Perfect Patty: Well, I'm putting the annual block party together and I have to be careful what I spend. You know how people are. Last year we had a pig roast, a DJ and all kind of things and we asked people to pay $25 per family, this year we're not asking for any money at all, we're going to get part of the cost from our HOA and then I guess I'll just have to go to local businesses for the rest.

Shiny Suzy: Well, that's going to be a lot of work. I was in charge of our block party for 6 years and I got tired of doing everything myself. You know people always say that they're willing to help, but they never do.

Perfect Patty: I know, I've decided just to do it myself, I haven't heard from any of the ladies who offered to help.

-------------here's where it starts to get a little dicey--------------

Nyt: (raising my hand) Ladies, I couldn't help but over hear. I'm one of those people who always offers to help and I do mean it. But if I never hear another word from the organizer, how am I supposed to know what to help with?

------------ and here's where it all starts to go wrong--------

Shiny Suzy: That doesn't matter, you should just show up for your assignment.

Nyt: I beg your pardon?

Perfect Patty: Yes, you should just show up and do whatever you're told.

Shiny Suzy: We don't have time to chase people down. We're busy.

Nyt: Well, I would think that if you needed the help it wouldn't be a big deal to inquire if the person that offered is still willing and if she is, to just pass out the "assignment" then.

Shiny Suzy: I'm not interested in doing that, if you offer and don't show up it's just being ignorant.

----- the part where it comes crashing down-----

Nyt: Small wonder no one helps you.

------------- cue dead silence---------

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