The One About Inciting a Panic

We are sitting here patiently waiting for the snow to begin. The wind has picked up, the sky is gray, and temperature is dropping. It's on it's way, it will be a rough day or so.

We're ready. There's enough food in the fridge, firewood in the house and gas in the snow blower. The vehicles have enough gas should we need them. We've seen the plow trucks dropping salt ahead of the storm that's coming.

I was raised here. I've spent many winters waiting for the storms. Many winters with sub-freezing temperatures and I'm not alone.

The local news, and even the national news creates an absolute furor with their reporting of the impending storm. People dash around, laying in supplies like they will never see the inside of a grocery store again. Creating a whole different set of problems besides some snow. I hate it.

My conversation with Himself this morning covered the necessary stuff. He'll be in a hotel tonight, close to his job (his is a 24/7 kind of thing). I'll be here, working the snow-blower. There is enough food in the house for a week, firewood for at least that long and at least 3 days worth of water. There's fuel for the generator and enough blankets and comforters for a platoon. The only reasons we'd have to bug-out is roof collapse or water main break (and even the water main thing could wait for several days). All in all, it's not that big of an emergency.

You wouldn't know it to listen to the news though. The local and national talking heads are making it sound like the end of the world is arriving any minute. It's not folks.... it's just a little snow...

The One About What Happens When The Men Talk

For the last year or so, I've been crabbing about space. My home is plenty large enough, but several of the rooms are just set up poorly. Specifically, I still have a formal living room and dining room. The dining room we use from time to time, but the living room? Not so much. My family room is long and narrow with doors and things in odd places. So I broke it into two areas only to discover that we only use one. And that no more than 4 people can be in that area at one time. Which means that someone always ended up sitting on the floor.

So I had an idea. I figured that if I made the living room into the family room then I could turn the family room into a kind of library-office thing that used all of the space instead of just half. I also figured that I could take my time, plan things out, sell off what I didn't need, choose my items carefully.....

Anyone see where this is going???

Oh I found some sofas and a couple of chairs. I decided to repurpose an existing secretary and a few tables. I found a more "family friendly" dining room set that I figured I could wait on... 

And then Himself stopped by Flipper's. BY HIMSELF. And then my phone rang.

Himself: Honey, guess what? Flipper is giving us a big TV for Christmas!

Nyt: Sweetie, we already have a big TV. Did Flipper perhaps fall down and hit his head?

Himself: No honey... a BIGGER TV!

Nyt: Honey, hand the phone to Flipper. (he hands the phone to Flipper) 

(to Flipper) HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND??

Flipper: Nope. Your changing around rooms anyway and you have more than enough wall space. Besides, Himself really wants it.

Nyt: I said I was thinking about it..

Flipper: But he wants it, and I'm getting it..

And 73 inches of high definition goodness was delivered to my home within the week.

Now I am grateful, I really am, but the reality of this is it's like giving someone a puppy. The puppy's awesome, all cute, and playful, and furry. But then the recipient has to get all the things that go with the puppy. And then there are the changes that have to be made because of the puppy. Puppy accessories and accommodations if you will. It's never ending.

Currently, I'm working on the whole custom blind thing. It unnerves me to see cars stop and BACK UP so that perfect strangers can enjoy our movie choices FROM THE STREET!! 

I wonder what costs less. New blinds or one of those speaker thingies like they used to have at the drive-in...

The One About Things Getting Out of Hand

Himself often refers to me as "Glitch". My train of thought can be a bit "different" from time to time...take yesterday for example.. and one of our usual phone conversations...


Himself: So how was your day?

Nyt: It was alright, I got the backyard all cleaned up and the furniture uncovered and cleaned

Himself: Why? You're allergic to everything out there..Let me guess, it turned into a project..

Nyt: Well, the rug had to be washed.

Himself: And that had what to do with it?

Nyt: Well, it meant that to wash it I had to sweep the patio.

Himself: And??

Nyt: Well it seemed silly not to pick up all the sticks around the patio as well.

Himself: Uh huh. And?

Nyt: Well then I ran across some dog poop next to a stick, so it seemed silly not to pick up all the poop..

Himself: And?

Nyt: Well, as I was doing poop patrol I noticed that the mulch had been carried all over the yard and it seemed silly to leave it there so I raked it all back in place

Himself: And the furniture??

Nyt: Happened when I sat down for a break and realized that my ass was cold sitting on the stoop. It seemed silly to uncover and wash just one chair...

Himself: Hives?

Nyt: Yep.

Himself: Hands swollen?

Nyt: Ummmm....

Himself: God help me....

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The One About The "New Economy" Hitting Home

I pulled out of my garage the other day only to find neighbors gathered in the streets with pitchforks and torches. Not literally mind you, but the feeling? It was more than palpable. You see, the "new" economy has finally touched down in our little suburb. Actually it's more like it crash landed on our street. And folks are scared.

We've been pretty lucky around here actually. We've seen foreclosures, but those have been on the far ends of the spectrum. The middle section of our town has been largely left untouched. Oh sure, homes are not valued at what they once were, but there hasn't been a foreclosure or a sale that gave those numbers any kind of "legs". Until now. Until my neighbor priced his home 13K under average for the area and then sold it for 19K under average. One of the largest homes on the block...19k under average. Now the banks and the powers that be have an actual number to go on. Now the value of our home can be determined by an actual number, not a theoretical one. That number just put at least 5 families on this block upside down in their mortgages. Now everyone on this block has a vested interest in seeing those families succeed.

The One About Funny, Frustrating and Fascinations

Some of the stuff that's rattling around in my noggin....

• The Eggroll has now learned to declare that she's "okay". Now, it's fabulous that she's using her words, but the "I'm okay" declaration comes after she makes any kind of noise at all. Flush the toilet? "I'm okay!" Drop a crayon? "I'm okay!" Stomp your foot? "I'm okay!" Move the chair? "I'm okay!" The list is just about endless. The amusing portion of this is that she's learning about inflection in speech, so the "okay" takes on all different intonnations... I'm O-kay, I'm o-KAY, I'm OOOOkay, Okaaaaaayy. I had no idea that there so darn many.

• Morning dressing around here seems to be taking a bit longer since the Swooper has discovered that he can make the Eggroll insane. He currently feels that it's his job to to steal her clean clothes. Oddly enough, he has no interest in the dirty stuff. He sits patiently waiting for her to be in the middle of taking off her PJ's or putting on her underwear and then he sidles up, picks up whatever has been left unattended, and saunters away. Funniest moment that I didn't have a camera for?? The Eggroll confronting the Swooper. He with her socks in his mouth and she naked as a jaybird, hands on hips telling him that those sock are "not yours".

•  Our home improvement investment this year involved a new airconditioner, furnace and a tankless hot water heater. As usual, it started out simple (Boob sweat! Fix my AC!) and morphed into a project. (AC unit too small for house, furnace cannot accommodate larger unit and what the hell, as long as you're in there let's do the water heater) Now while I currently have no idea whether or not the HE airconditioner is saving us any money, I'm pleasantly surprised to report that the water heater is costing us about half as much to run as the standard tank heater we had previously. Add that to the constant hot water, and well, you have a happy Nyt. A Nyt that can be found floating in her giant tub WHILE the washer's running! Nirvana!

• We are on our third faucet for the kitchen sink. When the first two went bad, I pleaded with handyman guy to check the old water heater. I figured that the tank had to be sending bits of something through the lines that kept screwing up my kitchen faucet. 3 faucets in 3 years?? He scolded me for even thinking that, the water heater might be bad, after all it wasn't leaking. After replacing the original heater with the tankless, he declared that I should never have another problem, since all the sludge and decay that was screwing up my faucets was now gone. I found myself somewhere between confusion and vindication....

• Much to Himself's consternation, the Eggroll knows her motorcycles. She can pick out a Harley and loudly declares the rest "rice burners". My bad.....
  

The One About Cletus and The Bot

This little fella here is fondly known as "the bot". For those of you in the know, or for those of you clean freaks out there, "the bot" is a Rainbow/Rexair vacuum. But not just any Rainbow. This particular "bot" has been with me for close to 20 years. And that's not the special part.. the special part is that this particular "bot" was born in 1959. That's right...today I'm mourning the loss of a 50 year old vacuum cleaner.

And it's all Cletus's fault...

The only service guy for these super vacs is located quite a distance from my house. I don't mind really, I think in 20 years, I've had the bot serviced once. Momma had bots over the years and I think I took hers in for service once or twice. Anyhow, the gentleman that handles the service is a semi-retired, over-all wearing, southern drawling sweetie, who's name, for the life of me, I can't remember. Now here's a thing about me...if I can't remember someone's name, I usually prompt myself with one of the person's characteristics, or, heaven help us all, if you have too many characteristics, I'll christen you with a brand spanking new name....hence... Cletus.

After a thorough examination, Cletus declared the bot terminal. Even though the repairs were small (a new cord and possibly a new switch) there just aren't parts for 50 year old bots. And Cletus charges $50 an hour just to poke around. So Cletus and I mourned the loss of my dear friend. But not for long... Cletus decided that no woman (especially one of those "clean freaks"...seriously, he called me a clean freak) should be bot-less. So he introduced me to my new great love...."Shiny Bot"

And shiny he is.... and 'spensive....whoo boy!

Now before anyone scolds me for spending absolute gobs of dough..let me remind you of a few things. First, I was in mourning and second...his cousin was 50 years old. By my estimation that means I'll need a new vacuum when I'm 93 and at that rate this little bugger cost me a measly $26 a year...

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The One About Stuff I Don't Get

 

 

 

There's a whole bunch of stuff in this life that I'll never understand...

 

* Why the Chocolate Jesus feels the need to have a press conference EVERY SINGLE DAY! For the love of God man, campaign season is over! And furthermore, no matter how often you try and sell a used car, it's still a USED CAR! You can call it whatever you want, you can try and wrap it in pretty paper, it's still a BAD IDEA!

 

* Why people think they're doing my kid a favor when they feed her arbitrarily. My child has a eating disorder, it's documented and we're seeing therapists for it. But somehow, folks just think it's a great thing to feed her whatever, whenever, without asking. Seriously, you'll ask me if it's alright to feed my dog, but you won't ask me about feeding my kid??

 

* What the hell happened to the grown men in my life. Flipper had his annual golf outing, which seemed to turn into nothing but a geriatric frat party. Complete with unconcious party goers, house damage and peeing in the pond... we shall not discuss the age of the participants...

* Why the Swooper eats EVERYTHING. You name it, this dog will attempt to eat it. Wood, paper, plastic, heck, I even caught him with a mouthful of steel wool (that was a C-note worth of X-rays). Perhaps I should send him to therapy with the Eggroll.

* What happened to summer in the Midwest? Sure, now that we replaced the airconditioner, it hasn't gone above 80 in what seems like weeks. On the plus side, we may be able to try out the new furnace since it's dropping into the 50's at night...

* Where the time goes. The Eggroll has now been with us for a little over a year. Parenting still hasn't gotten any easier... LOL!

* Where have all the manners gone? Is there a "manners graveyard" somewhere? Does anyone have directions??

* Why companies are against rewarding customers. Recently, our local cable company offered a sweet deal for new customers. The deal would have shaved almost $60 a month off of our current bill. They won't let us have it, but they've been generous enough to offer us $5 a month off of our current bill. Gee that's swell (insert sarcasm here) You would think that in these tough times that companies would be just as concerned about retention as they are about getting new clients...

* Why it is that folks with "oddities" find it necessary to slap photos of themselves everywhere. Are you unaware of your one wonky eye?? Has no one told you? I'm now no longer reading your posts, I'm staring at the wonky eye. You could be writing earth-shattering revelations and I'm going to miss them because of the wonky eye. Please stop.

*Why every one is an "expert". I'm thinking that the recent, home-grown gradute of UC Berkely is not quite the health care "expert" he's been labeled. Acne treatments do not qualify you as an "expert"

I know, I could have done better... it's not like I haven't had months to work on a decent post... I'll try harder next time...

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The One About Motherhood, Missing Parts and Me

Greetings from the Great Southwest! Now for a list of the things that are rattling around in my brain recently. There's something about this place that makes my brain work differently. Not better, mind you, just different. There are plenty of folks who believe that the desert has a different "energy" , and maybe, just maybe, that's true....

• The menfolk have spent the week traversing the links in the annual golf outing. Much fun and frolicking was had by all. All the men that is. As for the Eggroll and I, well, most of the festivities were for the grown-ups... and I had no babysitter....so....well.... To be honest, I missed the freedom of choice, not necessarily the activities themselves.
• Speaking of freedom of choice, motherhood leaves you with none. That sounds very dark doesn't it? I don't mean it that way...it's just become glaringly apparent that motherhood and I are often at odds. There is a lack of time and choice that happens with kids, and for me, that often poses a few difficulties. It doesn't erase the "wonderful" that happens with kids, it just underlines the fact that women are often shortchanged in the whole grand scheme of life. Still sounding dark?? Bear with me....
• As an adult, we first care for ourselves. And by care I mean it in the holistic sense of the word. We nurture our bodies, our minds, our spirits, and our souls. Then, we marry, and we put our spouses care ahead of our own. We love and adore them, so it's only natural to put their well-being ahead of our own. As we age (and in my case) perhaps our aging parents require our energy. We move their well-being to the top of the "energy" list, and our own well-being is now regaled to third-place. Next comes the child or children and we find ourselves in fourth or fifth place. Then one day we notice that there is not a hell of a lot of leftover time or energy to give to ourselves. We wither, we atrophy... and we discover that we're low on places and time to re-fuel... it becomes a rather bleak existence..
• Eventually, we will have nothing to offer our spouses, children or parents. Eventually we will have nothing left to offer anyone, not even ourselves... and for those of us who were or are self-aware..it's painful...
• We've all seen those women... you know the ones. They were beautiful once, they were intelligent, independent and brave.. and then you see them again, maybe a few years or a few kids later. They schlep around in yoga pants and a sweatshirt, babbling on about diapers, schools, and juice boxes. They've not read anything beyond US weekly and whatever the school sends home with their kid. Devoid of any kind of self-esteem, they move through life like robots, spending their days gratifying everyone but themselves. They use phrases like "when I have the time..." "I've been meaning to..." "As soon as..."
• The quest continues to keep that from happening to your lovely host. If anything, my time in the desert, my time here, may have just given me that little bit of perspective that I so desperately needed....
  

The One About The Stuff We Teach Our Kids
Without Really Trying...

Before the Eggroll's arrival, I had made a conscience effort to control my language. Let's face it folks, I spent my formative years in the garage or the bar with a bunch of grease monkeys and felons. Then there were the years on the floor of the commodities exchange. It would not be an exaggeration when I say I could make a sailor blush.. and not in a good way either. I calmed down some over the years, but, like any other human being, I'm flawed. And let's face it, sometimes a good !*&@# just fits the occasion, or the person...whatever...

One we got the referral for the Eggroll, I started on a mini-mouth-makeover. I began to substitute ordinary or nonsense words for the offensive ones. I tried...oh how I tried.. And now my child....well...my child has learned a few things....

While searching for something that Himself had put away, I declared him a "pinhead". Now, if you ask the Eggroll what Daddy is, she'll say "pinhead". She also waves bye-bye to him while declaring "Bye-bye Pinhead!" I'd nip this behavior in the bud if I wasn't laughing so damn hard.

Inanimate objects frustrate me. One evening, while trying to get a movie to load in the DVD player I started madly pushing the button and yelling "HELLO!?! HELLO!?!" at the television screen. Now, when you turn on a DVD the Eggroll says to the screen "Hello, hello, movie"

I chatter incessantly to my child. It's supposed to be good for her language skills. When going through a store, or running errands, I usually say "we're moving on" when one task is finished. The other day, while I was comparing prices at the local Tarjay, my child, apparently bored in the cart, started yelling.."Moving on, we're moving on!" We moved right on to the ladies room before I wet my pants.

Then there's the whole road rage thing... I've got it.. I accept it... Recently, after a particular test of my driving reflexes, I ended up in the wrong lane. I swerved rather roughly and after the "Wheeee!" from the small child, I said something like "sorry baby, Momma did the stupid". Now my kid looks up at me in the kid mirror and says "momma stoooopid". Again, I'd correct that one too if it didn't make me laugh so hard.....

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The One with Recaps and Opinions

Well then, the last couple weeks have just kind of flown by. We've been busy around here at the House of Nyt...

• The Eggroll had her lucky toe removed. When we first started the process, we were prepared for the worst case scenario. I am pleased to report that there were no pins involved, no medications necessary, and that she is already out of her cast. No one has any idea how thrilled I am for her that it ended up being sooo easy. Within two days of surgery, she was walking on her cast and life was pretty much normal. The kid amazes everyone, no complaints, no fussing, nothing.... We had her cast removed yesterday and everyone remarked at how easy she was.. It is a bonus with kids that have been institutionalized, some are very used to being handled by a myriad of people. The minus, of course, is that it makes it very difficult to teach the whole "stranger danger" thing. I do notice though, that if she's in her "own" surroundings that she is loathe to deal with strangers. I met GB and his hubby for lunch the other day and I opened Vanbo's door before I got out. GB reached in to take her from her car seat and all hell broke loose. Let's just say...people stared...
• We're having a case of the "3's". Every direction is challenged (usually with tears) and absolutely everything is a tradgedy of epic proportions. Seriously... If you ask the Eggroll "who's moaning myrtle?" she replies with a grin... "I'm moaning myrtle!" With Himself back on the night shift, I've suggested earplugs....strongly... BTW, I'm turning into my own parents... I just turn up the TV or radio when the screaming begins... LOL! I'm not holding out for "mother of the year 2009".
• I'm not making much progress on reducing the "stuff" taking over the House of Nyt. So far I've only managed to get one huge bag to Goodwill. Speaking of donations.. I used to donate to a community group that helps families in need. They've begun dictating exactly what they want, how they want it, and when they want it. I find it rather ungrateful myself... I'm not sure I know anyone who has the time to sort and classify their donations, and then drop those donations only on the day of the week assigned to them. I'm serious... this group wants women's clothes on monday after 1pm and childrens clothes on tuesday between 2 and 4....etc. Small wonder my stuff is now going to Goodwill...
• I have managed to read a book. Not earth-shattering, I know...but I've been so involved with everyone else that I'd forgotten about me...
• Our six-month "inspection" is tomorrow. Yeah... that's when I let a complete stranger into my home to judge my parenting skills and my home in general....Crap! I just remembered that Ms. Judgey needs photos! Next on the to-do list....
• The Swooper continues to get larger and larger. I have an appointment for him this afternoon, I'll be interested to see how much he actually weighs. He's also developed a fondness for sleeping in the bed. And one other thing that just warms my soul... he's beginning to "talk". My Ancient Brit used to talk by snapping his teeth together and growling different intonations. Swooper is starting the same thing...makes me smile every time.
• "Fatburger" will not make you fat. We stopped there on Saturday for dinner and by Sunday I had relearned the definition of "explosive" when it comes to bodily fluids. Yet two more days on the Gatorade and Coke diet. Not the healthiest, but at least my jeans are looser. As a totally unrelated and politically incorrect aside... there were 4 folks of the Caucasian persuasion in Fatburger... we were 2 of them....
• Disney on Ice should be renamed, "Grift the Parents". May I say that a $300 dollar day for a three year old is a bit on the excessive side. I'm not kidding. $200 bucks for tickets, $20 to park, $30 for popcorn and soda, $15 for the souvenir...and a bite to eat afterward?? In the whole plus/minus thing, she really enjoyed it and actually paid attention to the show... on the minus side, we ran into one of the women from the adoption group ahead of ours. She's really not our biggest fan, the feeling is mutual... and all it led to was "awkward"... I'm really glad your child is happy and adorable... but really, is there any event that you'll shower for???
• If the whole country is saving their money, why is there a 30 minute wait at my local Red Robin?? If the whole country is broke why is there no parking at my local mall??
• I'd like to opt out of the whole stimulus package thing. And I'm frightened by the stuff that has been slipped in. If you haven't read it...do so... make your own call... but the parallels to Socialist Europe are frightening.
• I'm amused to no end by a friend's comment.."If you're on the right side, the Chocolate Jesus will shit M&M's for you"... and I thought I wasn't a believer... LOL!
• I'm off to complete today's chores... I've already cleaned the playroom ( yes there was bleach involved) and now the rest of the house awaits....

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The One About Economizing and Stuff that Doesn't Work

That stuff up there...that picture that Blogger will not allow me to move?? That stuff does not work for me. That stuff is $35.00 a tube (not that I paid that) and it turned me into a dried-up piece of shoe leather. I should have expected it, I suppose. Lemon is often used as a bleach or astringent. But I'm committed to using up everything in my cabinets, so I used it up...and now all I need are a couple of buckles and I could pass for a very large Birkenstock... thank goodness it was a "free" gift. I'm just leathery, not leathery and ticked off....

I wanted to pause a moment and talk about the whole idea of "economizing".

Growing up, I was taught to buy the best that you can afford. And I do. But the best that you can afford is a waste if you don't use it. That being said dear readers, you will find here, from time to time, stuff that works really well.....and stuff that doesn't.

I am that "full-boat" kind of girl. 99% of the time, I'm the person with her hair and make-up done. I'm not fancy, and I live in jeans....but I'm coiffed and pressed almost everyday. I'm also OCD girl...it must be clean, it must function properly, yada, yada, yada...

Economizing is about spending what money you have wisely while maintaining the standards you have set for yourself. That stuff up there??? Would be a waste of money for me to ever purchase....

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The One About Declarations

I don't make New Year's Resolutions. I gave up after about 20 years of consistent failure. When I began making the resolution to fail, I knew it was time to try a different direction. Nowdays, I make declarations. (I also make demands and ultimatums, but we'll get to those later :0 ) Declarations imply that the actions have already taken place, or at least the plan for action. That being said..let's look at the current batch of declarations.....

2009 will be the Year of Economizing
2008 was the Year of Spend Every Dime You Have, this year will be the year of leftover money. Every item will have a purpose, every purchase will be used until it dies a natural death. We're eating what's in the freezer, using what's in the fridge and the cabinets and dining out will be a special occasion.
Please don't think that I'm some kind of household queen... I'm not... My big problem with the last year (actually the last few years) is the sheer amount of waste this house and it's occupants generate. Seriously, there was a point where darn near the entire grocery budget was wasted because we chose to eat out instead. There were items purchased that touted themselves as "newer, faster, better". They may have been "newer", but they certainly were not faster or better. For 2009, if a company wants to sell me something "newer, faster and better" they had better send out the old free sample. And don't waste my time with the 2x2 square of goodness...you had better send me a sample I can use more than once..

2009 will be the Year of Expanding One's Mind
I used to be a voracious reader. Emphasis on the "used to be" portion of the sentence. These days, my reading is limited to the interwebz, the local paper, and a couple of magazines that are still delivered to the house. No one likes stupid. Least of all me. I don't suffer fools lightly, and if my current pace continues, I'm in danger of becoming a fool myself. The last thing I ever want to be in this life (and the next) is one of those vapid, self-absorbed, suburban Moms. You know the ones I'm talking about...the ones who have nothing more to discuss than potty-training, what my kid did today, yada, yada, yada. If I don't have the time to actually sit down and read a book, there's always the Ipod and audio books... Speaking of that, the same declaration can be applied to music and movies as well....

2009 will be the Year of Self
Sounds pretty darn narcissistic doesn't it? Well, it's not meant to be that way. See, I have a wonderful habit of taking care of everyone. Everyone but me that is. And I'm suffering for it. It doesn't have to be large things.. Heaven know that none of us really have the time for large things. But it does have to be just for me.....

2009 will be the Year of the Purge
I have no idea how it happens. I wish I did...When we bought the House of Nyt, it seemed unbelievably large. I remember looking into the crawl space and thinking "we'll never, ever, use all that space" HAH! Not only have we used all that space, we've used even more... We don't need all this stuff.... and we spend an inordinate amount of time dealing with the "stuff". And it detracts from the joys of everyday living...it must be destroyed...

2009 will be the Year of Taking Advantage of What We Have
We have a horrible habit of joining everything that might entertain us and then claiming that there's nothing to do. We have another horrible habit of pledging lifestyle changes and then finding every excuse in the world not to do them. Take the Wii Fit for example....it "fits" perfectly under the table where it mocks me from it's tidy little box.... Museum memberships? Used maybe once a year... I say "Phooey" to that.. this will be the year of doing the stuff we signed up for....

That about sums it up for now dear readers.... oh, and if this post looks a little wonkier than usual....blame Blogger....I swear I did the same exact thing for every paragraph...

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The One Where I Win Mother of the Year

What the fly on the wall heard: "For heaven's sake child eat your vegetables, there are starving children in China who would be grateful for fresh veggies"....

Yeah...I suck.... (I'll just run with the current social climate and blame it on my parents)

It's been a week of adjusting in the ole House of Nyt. After almost three weeks in the Great Southwest with Grampaw and a passel of doting aunts and uncles, lets just say that getting back to routine is challenging. Think sugar withdrawal combined with a case of the "twos".... good times....good times....

On the plus side, the three weeks surrounded by nothing but adults did wonders for the Eggroll's speech...

The Swooper has virtually doubled in size. He and the Spinner are virtually inseparable. As I write this, they are chasing each other throughout the house.....four levels...nothing but wood floors... it sounds like a herd of buffalo. Swooper's also broken out in freckles...cutest thing ever!!!

Then we have Spinner, who has taken counter surfing to a whole new level. If anyone was concerned about the political correctness of a Chinese child carrying a Chinese baby doll, fret no more. The Spinner has solved the problem by surfing the doll off of the table and making Dolly a double amputee. Hopefully, the Eggroll has so many toys that she won't miss it. The current problem is the fact that I only found enough parts for ONE amputation.....which means that the Spinner devoured the first amputation....so I will spend my day in below zero temperatures on poop and puke patrol....Woot!! Sadly, the deranged "special effects" Elmo is still alive and well. If I had to sacrifice one toy on the altar of upset dog.....it would have been Elmo....at least the baby doll was quiet.

The snow is coming down again, and it's just too darn cold for anything other than gazing out the window. I will say this though, I never tire of the quiet beauty of winter. When everything is silent, fresh and crisp.... I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune as soon as I step outside the house, but for right now...the beauty is stunning.. Things "live" differently in winter..the animals outside travel in different paths, the house makes different noises, people move differently as well. We tidy our nests, cook the food that warms not only our bellies, but our souls, hold those close to us just a little tighter. Maybe it's the primal knowledge that of all the seasons...winter is the one that could end our time on this earth in the blink of an eye... Perhaps that's why it appeals to me... the whole primal simplicity..

And then there's the view from the window...the one that reminds me how lucky I am to be gazing at frigid beauty from the warmth of my kitchen...

Stay warm...

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The One About Everyday


This is one of those posts that was sitting unfinished...
I thought it was funny anyway...

Before you begin this entry dear readers, I want you to understand that I love my husband and my child more than life itself. This entry is about "the funny". Because there are those days that can only be looked at that way.......

My house contains at any given time, myself, Nyt, my husband, Himself, our child, Eggroll, and our pets...Spinner, Swooper and Miss Thing. Swooper is the newest addition and at 9 weeks old, he's already turning this place upside down.

Let us begin....

4:25AM- Awake to a full bladder and a chilly room. Silently curse the ass that said 40 was the new 30. Attempt to creep silently past Swooper's cage into the bathroom. Realize that I'm missing a sock and the bathroom floor is damn cold.
4:26AM- Relieve myself and then decide against flushing (wouldn't want to wake Swooper)
4:27AM- Creep back to bed. Realize that Spinner is not going to relinquish any blankets. Search for alternate blanket.
4:28AM- Blanket located.
4:40AM- Decide that sleep is futile
4:45AM- Give up the ghost and set sights on an uninterrupted shower
4:46AM- Plan of uninterrupted shower thwarted by squeaking Swooper
4:47 AM- Close bedroom door and release Swooper from kennel. Discover that Miss Thing is on the wrong side of the door as pitiful mewling begins.
4:48AM- Drop newspaper on floor. Swooper misses newspaper by mere inches..
4:49AM- Wash floor
4:55AM- Throw self into shower. Accomplish clean in a record 10 minutes.
5:05AM- Head for dresser and clean underwear..step in warm Swooper pee
5:06AM- Wash feet
5:08AM- Wash floor
5:10AM-Apply make-up and do hair while chasing Swooper and removing stray stuff from his mouth. Swear silently as Spinner snuggles into the covers and emits a deep sigh. Pray that I'm not mistaken for a clown....
5:20 AM- Head downstairs to take dogs outside and make coffee. Realize that it is somewhere around 15 degrees out. Before jacket is even zipped, Swooper pees again.
5:21AM- Ignore pee and stand outside in snow and wind begging tiny dog to "go potty outside"
5:27AM- Wash floor
5:30AM- Reach coffeepot. Shed tears of joy
5:35AM- Himself reaches the kitchen and announces "I would have taken the dogs out.."
5:36AM- Contemplate murder....
5:37AM- Collect dogs, dog toys, cigarettes and lighter. Settle into chair for morning coffee, smoke and news.
5:40AM- Eggroll awake and calling for Daddy. Remind Himself that 5:40 in the morning is not an acceptable time for any child to get up. Ask that he take her potty and put her back in bed.
5:45AM- Himself returns from upstairs announcing "mission accomplished". Himself departs for work.
5:56 to 6:15AM- Swill coffee and puff cigarettes throughout early newscast.
6:16 to 6:30AM- Develop plan for the day. Realize that there is little or no food in the house. Figure on hitting two grocery stores before lunch. Decide to make list.
6:31AM- Find a Swooper poop on the way to get paper for grocery list.
6:32AM- Wash floor
6:35AM- Collect pets for another potty trip to the frozen tundra. Once again, Swooper pees before my jacket is even on.
6:36 to 6:44AM- Stand outside in freezing cold and snow waiting for tiny dog to "potty outside"
6:45AM- Wash floor
6:48AM- Prepare Eggroll's breakfast along with Swooper's.

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The One Where I Collect Scattered Thoughts

In no particular order.....


* I received a call from both the auto hospital and the insurance adjuster yesterday. Vanbo has some internal damage (nothing we didn't expect). The auto hospital wanted me to know that they've already received the supplement, and the parts are on order. The insurance adjuster not only told me the same thing, but also extended the rental for the ugliest van in America for another five days. The signifigance of all of this??? ACTUAL CUSTOMER SERVICE! And I didn't have to yell, beg or threaten anyone.....

* The breeder sent photos of the three pups we have to choose from. After Himself and I rated our choices, I phoned Flipper and asked him to stop by. One must understand that to get Flipper to stop by and take a look at anything other than the Eggroll is a monumental task. When I said "puppies" he altered his schedule immediately. When he showed up he immediately went hunting for my computer. I bought up the photos, he pointed to the screen uttered "I want that one", asked if the Eggroll was home and then was gone as quick as he came...FYI, Flipper's ratings and Himself's were exactly the same...I think its a conspiracy..

* House of Nyt is undergoing the pre-holiday cleaning ritual. This is the time of the year where I drive Himself insane.... he and my OCD don't always get along. Funny thing is, as much hell as he gives me for my freakish cleaning tendencies. (he continually reminds me that my "dirty" is the rest of the world's clean), he's the first person to be apalled at someone else's dirty house. Several times during the trick-or-treating ritual, he would lean over and whisper to me..."Did you see the inside of that house?? Can you believe people live that way??" Yeah...embrace the OCD Mr. Man....embrace the OCD.

* Anyone else apalled over Prop 8?? Really?? So much for embracing change....

* I'm finding it hilariously funny that there are a few polls out there that advocate a pit bull as the Presidential Puppy. I've got nothing against the breed, but really....stereotype much???

* My Wad died.... minds out of the gutter folks, the Wad was a fish. We developed an odd attachment to one another..he would actually eat off of my finger. Strange to think that fish may actually have personalities. Anyhow, he gave up the ghost after close to 9 years...

Thattttt'ss allll fffollkksss!

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The One About People, Politics and Pets

So, today's the day folks. Time to stand in line, cast your ballot and make your voice heard. I intend to drop Eggroll off at "school" and then off to the polls. The rest of the day will be determined by how long I have to stand in line. Laundry could actually get done if the lines are short....

In other political news, the issue of media bias has been bandied about lately and it reminds me of a conversation that I had with our translator in China. Just as communism is foreign to us, democracy is foreign to them. The conversation had turned to the press and the media, and the fact that all media in China is controlled by the government. He asked me how tightly controlled our media is, and I had to give him an answer that surprised even me. I told him that our media was just as controlled as the Chinese media, only in a different way. While their media is controlled overtly by the government, ours is controlled by the almighty dollar. Their media swings whichever way the government does, ours follows the money. Neither provides a "whole" picture of any issue. As the close of the presidential election approaches, I'm truly saddened that so many people just accept this as what "is". It's not just that my candidate will more than likely be on the losing end of the run, it's that people all over the world will stand and fight for freedom of speech, and a free media and Americans, sheeple that they are, will merely accept whatever that 15 second sound byte tells them. They suspect nothing if all the sound bytes are the same either. It must be true because the television told me so...

In other news, yesterday found me tackling the disaster zone that was our garage. Seriously, where the hell did all that stuff come from?? I still have to scrub out the fridge out there, but for the most part, all is done. Of course, it turned out to be an all day project....ewww!

I had the Spinner outside with me all day. I have a long line attached to a tree and he spent most of the day lazing about.

I'm not one of those pet owners who allow their pets to wander about. The Spinner is a hunting dog, and all it takes is one second for things to go horribly wrong. He spent the day lazing about, chewing his bone and chasing the occasional leaf that blew by.


This one makes me especially proud. You see, when indoors, the Spinner will bark like a maniac when he sees anyone on the street. Yesterday my really good dog uttered a muted "woof" when confronted with small children walking the street. A triumph! As with any and all triumphs, there is also a downside. And the downside happened because of my addled brain. You see, before being absorbed into the House of Nyt, the Spinner was a show dog. A show dog that was trained to NEVER RELIEVE HIMSELF WHILE ON A CHAIN. I forgot that part, and the poor animal darn near exploded when I finally let him loose in the backyard... I'm hoping he'll forgive me.....

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The One About My Brain and the "Boom"

I would like to remove my brain from my skull and wash it off. It seems to be rather dusty as of late. Disorganized, forgetting things...nothing a good cleaning wouldn't fix.

Halloween started out with a "boom", literally. While Eggroll and I were on the way to the grocery store, a rather large Ram decided to introduce itself to Vanbo. One loud crunch and a shower of glass later, my child looked at me in the rearview mirror, said "boom", and went right back to watching Blues Clues on the DVD player. How wonderful to be a child! Meanwhile, Vanbo suffered a crushed rear door and a blown out rear window. Nothing a couple of weeks in the auto hospital can't fix. However, most of Halloween was taken up by telephone calls, adjusters, estimates and rental agencies. Vanbo has been replaced with a Ram cousin, and so far, everything has gone rather swimmingly. And of course, because it was Halloween, we had plenty of chocolate.....that always makes things easier...

This is the week where Eggroll will spend most of day at "school". Because of the upcoming holidaze, and the approach of inclement weather, and Himself's work schedule, it has been determined that in order to get anything done...the Eggroll needs to be away from the House of Nyt. I hate to do it in one way, but she does love "school" so, and if I wait any longer the work will take twice as long. Of course, my brain did screw-up....I told the center director that she would be there for the whole week, completely forgetting that she has therapy on Tuesday and Thursday.... le sigh! I will have to admit my idiocy in public and rearrange her schedule and mine.

Because of Friday's little problem, I was forced to do my grocery shopping on Saturday. May I say that I was quite gracious on Friday, but Saturday...in the grocery store...I was positively homicidal. Who are all these people, and when did manners become optional??? Seriously, is it just me or is half of society raising packs of wolves? Are people just numb?? Let me just say for the record that if I would have had a cattle prod, things might have gone differently...

I hear movement....must run.....

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The One Where I Babble Incoherently

All the news and views that you can use....or maybe not...

• VP debate? Rocked! Sarah held her own and it seems as though it worked. For right now the press seems to be leaving her "experience and knowledge" thing alone
• Last nights presidential debate? Kind of stinky. I was hoping to a true "town hall" forum. What I got was a bunch of distilled questions. Meh!
• Anyone else freaking out about the whole mortgage rescue thing? The very idea that the federal government is going to renegotiate principal based on current market value makes my hair stand on end. Way to screw the folks that did it "right". Let's take a look at just what that means. You, and your neighbor each bought a 500k home two years ago. You did it by the book, your neighbor got in way over his head. You're paying your 300k mortgage, he's not paying his 500k mortgage. Meanwhile, your elected officials have decided that your neighbor needs to stay in his home, so his mortgage is reduced to current market value...let's say 400k..and records it as such. You are now out 100k in equity and oh yes, you'll still have to pay your 300k with interest. When the market recovers (and it will), your neighbor will make an extra 100k... I should have bought a bigger house...
• I currently believe that one should be given a lifetime supply of KY when registering to vote.
• The Eggroll is now negotiating the "twos". Fortunately she only has another 6 months or so and then "two" is over.
• How is it that a small child can hold an entire dinner in her mouth for AN HOUR without swallowing??
• Why is it that no matter how hard I try, I cannot stay away from the cookies in the kitchen?
• My child now calls for Gammaw when faced with doing something she does not want to do. My mother warned me that she would stick around....apparently...she has.
• No, she's not trying to say Gampaw...she says that very clearly...
• Puppy arriving shortly before Thanksgiving. If anyone is keeping score that means Shit That Will Make Nyt Insane -17 Nyt Not Requiring Medication -0
• Airfare to the great Southwest has exploded.
• Is it worth $400 to keep my kid from missing 3 appointments with the speech therapist instead of two?
• Why is it that I rise at 5:30 every morning and I don't even have a job?
• Given the current market conditions, Eggroll will have to rely on our public school system.
• That pisses me off
• It brings tears to my eyes to see the love affair that Flipper has with the Eggroll, and vice versa.

This concludes today's incoherent ramblings.....

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The One That Teams With Wild Life

Meet Fred and Ethel.....

Fred and Ethel have taken to using the backyard at House of Nyt as a country club. They don't actually live here, but they like to stop by quite often for a nosh, a cocktail, and some fun in the sun....


Meet The Spinner.......
He looks harmless doesn't he? All cute and fluffy and sweet. Except.........


This is what happens the moment you let The Spinner outside. Now The Spinner is a bird dog, Fred and Ethel are birds. The Spinner should theoretically just point at Fred and Ethel. Notice I said theoretically.....

The spinner treats Fred and Ethel very similar to his football...... Anyone notice the stuffing hanging out the side of the football? I'm trying to keep that from happening to Fred and Ethel. So far, we've been lucky. I've remembered to check outside for Fred & Ethel before I let The Spinner out. I will spare you photos of myself chasing Fred & Ethel.... especially the ones where I chase them at 5:30 in the morning.... Suffice it to say, neither Fred nor Ethel are particularly interested in leaving the country club in any kind of rush. They merely waddle about the yard quacking with annoyance. They have now figured out that the human is good for about three laps, then she's winded. As soon as she's winded, it's safe to go back to whatever you were doing. I need a better way here people..... I obviously can't fire a gun at them, but I need a way to scare them off that doesn't involve a felony, a heart attack, or bits of bone and feather...... any suggestions?

Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything.....

I'm thinking of breaking up with adulthood. Yes, adulthood and I have invested a lot in our relationship, but lately I'm just feeling less than fufilled with the whole grown-up thing. Maybe it's time for us to take a break, see other life stages, experience more things. Perhaps a few dates with Childhood and its unbridled joy and creativity might put me right. Even Adolescence is looking fairly attractive these days, with its narcissistic, all consuming angst, along with the wild highs and lows. Although the Golden Years have been flirting with me, I just don't feel the whole settled and sage thing. Sorry Golden Years, maybe another time.......

Alrighty then, that's enough of the personal reflection stuff. On to more entertaining and informative stuff. Along with the mundane and the boring. No one will be able to say that I'm not well rounded.

The quest to return Flipper & friends to the desert southwest continues on. So far both the weather and the airlines are less than cooperative. The airlines refuse to handle the friends if the temperature is below 20 degrees. And the weather can't decide if it's going to be less than 20 degrees. Flipper can't decide whether or not he wants to change his flight, and the airlines can't decide how many seats they actually have. We're at T-minus 3 days and counting to the original departure and T-minus 7 days to the last chance departure. If we end up at last chance departure, it means that Himself, Myself, Flipper and friends are spending 24 hours of family "togetherness" in the shiny new van that looked really large, until I pictured it loaded with boxes, golf clubs, friends and full-size people. Suddenly, it doesn't look so large....... Oh, and did I mention that every state between here and there is under snow, ice, a weather alert, or a state of emergency??!!?? That should make for a fabulous family trip...

Speaking of Flipper, his new-found sharing skills are sort of freaking me out. After years of not dealing with anything emotional, after years of not saying anything, he seems to have been beaten by the Dr. Phil stick. He actually called me yesterday to inform me about gifts that he was giving. Along with the gift inventory, he also wanted to make sure that I wasn't hurt or offended by the recipients or the size of the gifts. Huh?!? I suspect that the life changes he (and I) have experienced in the last few years have changed his perspective somewhat. And while I'm grateful for the change in his perspective, I won't say that it doesn't freak me out, just a little bit. One day I'll get around to telling the whole story, but for right now, trust me, it's a HUGE change.

My organizational skills and my OCD have been taking a beating the last few days. I've gotten up every morning with a plan, but somehow, someway, the plan is derailed, and the things that need to be done, just aren't getting there. I think I'm going to ground myself for today, and get done those things that just can't wait any longer (which in my head is everything). There are rooms to be cleaned, laundry, ironing, gifts to be wrapped and mailed, (or FedEx'd since I've waited so long), prescriptions to be refilled, and a whole bunch of personal care stuff.... Ugh!