The One About Being A Guest

 

 

 

Just a quickie list because I'm swamped. And sick! With my second bout of virus from hell. I'm actually so sick I'm seriously considering calling the doctor. If you know me....that's a really big deal. Anyway, we spent the last week basking in the Carribean sun on the Mouse Boat. It's been a while since I've traveled with a "group" of people, and I'd like to offer a few suggestions for those who....well... don't get out much.

 

 

1) Vacation is not synonymous with anarchy. Really, look it up. Check yourself....

 

2) The people who work on these boats are real people. Treat them accordingly. Please and Thank you will go a long, long way.

 

3) Other guests on these trips would sincerely appreciate you treating them as real people as well. Say "Excuse me" "please" and "thank you". Teach your children and spouse to do the same.

4) Do not throw yourself bodily in front of anyone or anything other than a bullet...

I have more, but I'm off to hack up a lung..... Bringing sexay back aren't I??

The One About What Wasn't Done

I'm a bad blogger, I'll admit it. I intend on writing many things, but sometimes life gets in the way and it just doesn't get done. That doesn't mean that I'm a bad blog reader though. Part of my morning ritual is to read the 30 or so blogs that show up in my reader. I love observation, I love peeking into other lives, I love words.

So this morning, I did the usual. Made the coffee, sat down in front of the glowing screen and started down the list. The list is always smaller on Saturdays, I get that. But today....

Himself and I shared coffee while we watched the morning news.  Of course this morning's news was a rerun of news that we all were glued to  nine years ago. We watched quietly, both of us remembering exactly where we were, what we were doing, and the tempest that carried us through the days that followed. We thought of those who were lost, those who lost loved ones, and those who pitched in and touched the lives of so many.

We moved on with our day. I turned my attention back to the screen in front of me, and noticed something odd. Not one of the posts in my reader included anything about what happened nine years ago. After years of bloggers contributing to projects about 9/11 victims, after years of bloggers telling their own 9/11 stories, there was not one damn thing in my reader that made this Saturday different from any other Saturday.

I am ashamed. 

I am ashamed that I admired some of these people.

I am ashamed that I contributed anything (however small) to their causes or careers.

I am ashamed that remembrance must be fashionable to be "done".

 

The One About Black and White

 

 

 

Several weeks ago, Himself was outside with the Eggroll. Our neighborhood is ripe with little kids and there was a small group of them playing across the street. The Eggroll, being the social little kid that she is, wanted to play with the other kids and as she started across the street, one of the kids yelled "You can't come over here because you're black and white". 

I think time may have stopped for Himself. The Eggroll stated that she is in fact NOT black and white, she's Chinese. She returned to her father and shortly thereafter they both came into the house.

When he told me the story, I was a little put off, but not nearly as upset as he was. I told him that I was going to see the offending child's mother at a function, and if I had an opportunity, I would speak to her about it. The function came and went and although she was there and we spoke, the time to bring up something such as that just never arose. Himself was disappointed but not particularly upset.

Several days ago, I caught the Mom on the street. We chatted for a few minutes and since we were alone, I decided that the time was right for a difficult topic. As I relayed the story, I didn't flat out tell her that it was HER child that had uttered the phrase. I just said that one of the kids did it and that I thought she should be aware. She apologized profusely for the incident and I told her that it certainly didn't bother us, but it certainly might not be received well in other company. 

Situation resolved....

When I told Himself about the conversation, he was disappointed that I had not pointed out to her that it was her kid. He felt as though I let her off the hook. I told him that no matter how you word that one, no one is going be open and receptive when you accuse their kid of any kind of racism. It's calling them a racist by proxy...just not going to work....

And then, a half an hour later ...

"Oh Shit!" (he's watching the baseball game)

"Whassamatter? They give up another run?"

"No, no. Oh shit!"

"What is your issue?"

"The White Sox dammit!"

"What?"

"The White Sox, Nyt... their slogan.."

"What about their slogan?"

"Their slogan is "it's black and white" and we've had so many conversations with those parents about who's a Sox fan and who's a Cub's fan..."

"Oh shit...indeed"

 

 

Situation not exactly resolved.....

The One About Keeping It Simple, Stupid

I think life is inherently simple. In other words, I think that there are basic things that work 99.99% of the time.

Tired? Then sleep.

Hungry? Then eat.

Confused? Ask a question.

Still confused? Ask some more questions.

Still confused? Do your research.

Angry? Say it out loud.

Hurt? Say that out loud too.

Falling behind? Work harder.

Dirty? Clean it.

I have a very simplistic view of my life... do unto others...

The other day, Himself and the Eggroll were hanging in the front of the house. The kids across the street were outside playing and as any four year old will tell you, it's way more fun to hang with other kids than it is to hang with your parents. As Himself and the Eggroll headed across the street, the youngest tow-headed little girl yelled "Eggroll, you can't come over here because you're black and white". 

??????????

Himself explained that the Eggroll is not black and white, but Chinese. The Eggroll chimed in with "I'm from China" and the two of them returned home forthwith. After relaying this incident to me, I soothed both of the offended parties and promised that I would speak to the Mom at the BTS luncheon that's happening in a few days.

Simple right? 

Not so much. See there's nothing in my simple bag of tricks for this one.  I know I have to say it, but I'll be damned if I know HOW to say it. How do I say this one without a) making someone sound like a racist or b) making myself sound like a petty fool or c) making people uncomfortable or d) all of the above??

Under the category of "do unto others" I have to say that I would want to know if my kid behaved this way, or said something like that. But I also know that my kid's behavior is a reflection of myself and Himself. And as a wife and a parent I will defend both of them to the death. I have to assume that it's that simple for other folks as well. 

That simple fact plus my simple fact leaves me with a complicated conversation, and a whole bunch of considering to do in the meantime. 

 

The One About Stuff That Irks Me

At the risk of pissing off veterans everywhere, I'm going to share my thoughts on a recent PSA.... take a look...

I'm going to start off here by saying that I'm grateful to all our vets for their service. You all have seen and done things that I hope I never have to and you deserve many thanks for your service.

That being said, let's talk about your service shall we?? The gentleman in the above ad states;
"When I signed on with the National Guard, I did it to help protect America from our enemies, like in the Persian Gulf...Not to clean up an oil company's mess here in the Gulf of Mexico"

First of all my friend, you signed on to the National Guard...you are not regular military. You are activated by your states governor first and then you may be called to federal service as a supplement to regular military. You are routinely called to service during an "official state of emergency"

The current oil spill in the gulf? State of emergency. To suggest that somehow it's not your job but you'll do what you're told is insulting to both those who make a career of military service and to the taxpayers who fund you.

Tornados, hurricanes, floods and the like certainly aren't the stuff of our "enemies" but the Guard is routinely activated to assist in those situations. I'm pretty sure that there's no security risk to a tornado ravaged town in East Podunk.

I get absolutely nuts when folks deem helping "beneath" them. And in this case you're not really "helping" out of the goodness of your heart are you? You're helping because you were ordered to and you're helping because you're being paid to do so. Let's be honest...

No "clean energy" initiative is going to go anywhere if you're going to rely on people's identifying with your sense of entitlement. The folks who don't identify with you won't even give you the time of day (that would be me) and those that do identify with your sense of entitlement will scurry away as soon as something shiny distracts them...

Just my two cents...

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The One About Revolution and Responsibility

I'm a little bit in love with Jamie Oliver. I've admired his take on food since back in the day when he was the "Naked Chef". Now, I'm in love with the "Food Revolution". I've had many gripes about food and the way we eat in this country for a long time. I'm so pleased that the issue is moving to the forefront.

What has blown me away with this, is the lack of responsibility that parents accept when it comes to their children. A six year old that doesn't know how to use a knife and fork? Children that can't identify even half of the raw veggies shown to them. A tomato for a potato?? Really??

I had a meeting the other day for the Eggroll's IEP. I love her current speech teacher and we happened to wander into the topic of Food Revolution and parents expectations for "school" in general. Along with the idiocy that is the educational system. For instance, in my district, they do teach a section on food and nutrition, beginning in kindergarten. But the cafeteria fare is the standard carb rich chicken nuggets, pizza and mac and cheese. Way to walk the talk!


Seriously, if I hear one more parent tell me that "she/he only eats chicken nuggets" or hotdogs or whatever, I'm going postal. Or the ever popular "but that's what he/she likes"... I don't give a damn what he/she likes... it's my responsibility as a parent to grow the healthiest child I can. That means more fresh fruit than canned, more fresh vegetables than frozen and more lean protein than fatty goodness. Oh and did I mention the carbs?? Yeah..less of the garbage ones.

I would love to offer my kid absolutely everything she wants. But I can't. I'm her parent, not her playmate. And it's my responsibility to behave that way....

The One Brought To You By the Letter "D"

Disappointment: Himself suffered quite the disappointment the other day. A paper that he
had worked quite diligently on was denied international publication by the
un-named University that he teaches at. This in and of itself is not the end
of the world, but the denial actually opened with the line "your research is
flawed". So totally the wrong thing to say to my husband. The topic of the
paper was abstract and subjective to begin with, so of course he queried as
to the reason "why" the powers that be decided that the research was
"flawed". After all, it had been accepted and even lauded when presented
at the University level... which brings me to my next "d" word....

Defend: He ended up being put in the position of defending his methods. Not the
premise of the paper, but the methodology used to collect the data. I find
this fascinating, not because of the paper itself, but because it seems to be
the general temperature of society. One must defend themselves, their
beliefs, their choices, every day, over and over. When did it become about
defense? Defense does nothing for anyone other than solidify their own
position, it's a self-validation thing, not a learning experience. If we're so
busy pushing at one another in an effort to defend our individual positions,
how is it that we ever learn from one another?

Debate: Which land me at my next "d" word. Debate. Has it actually disappeared or
is it a case of no one actually knowing what it means? Or has it turned into
a synonym for defend? I'm struck over and over in this life with how often
people are so busy telling others that they are wrong that they fail to hear
anything the other side has to tell them. Rather than expanding each other
by examining multiple facets of any issue, we stand rigid. And it's sad.. If
you push at me and I push at you, neither one of us moves in any direction
at all. If one of us pushes twice...we go somewhere.. the path changes.. but
one of us is going to have to allow ourselves to be pushed twice. One of us
is going to have to let go of being "right". One of us is going to have to con-
sider the possibility.

Derision: It has become perfectly acceptable to ridicule just about anyone who does
not agree with you. Even if they've NEVER SAID ANYTHING AT ALL!
Of course there are political correctness boundaries, but outside of that
loose framework, it's just fine to assassinate just about anyone for any type
of dissension....

Delay: This actually has less to do with the topic and more to do with the fact that
I'm searching for more "d" words so I can keep my behind in this chair a
little bit longer....

Defeat: The clock has beat me, time to start the day...

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The One About Racism and Criticism

This little gem lives on the back of Vanbo. I vehemently disagree with the current administration and I'm open and willing to discuss that with anyone who would like to. I do not shout my opinion from the rooftops, I do not carry a sign, I do not pass out leaflets. I have a fairly innocuous bumper sticker on the back of my "mom van".

I've formed my opinions by researching topics, I've read HR3200 and the Cap and Trade bill. I read articles everyday from both sides of the debate, and I do my best to consider both sides of any issue. If you ask me a question about a topic, I want to be the person who can not only comment on that topic, but explain "why" I stand in the place I do. I'm happy to listen and engage in any debate, comfortable in knowing that I stand where I do based on reason and logic.

With that in mind, I'm amazed at the reaction this little bumper sticker garners...

The first time it happened was in the Costco parking lot. I had the Eggroll in the cart and was just tossing the last of the purchases in the back of Vanbo, when a couple approached me and offered to take my cart. As I moved to take Eggroll from the cart's seat, the bumper sticker became fully visible.

"You don't like President Obama?" the woman queried.

"No, I'm not sure "like" has anything to do with it, I don't agree with his policies."

"You're just a racist!" the woman scolded. I gazed at the small Asian kid on my hip and then back to her. She stammered for a second before replying "You just don't like black people!"

Oddly enough, they took my cart anyway....

The next time it happened was in the parking lot of our local Wally World. Now I despise Wally World, but my optometrist is there and I love him...so I suffer... As I'm exiting Vanbo, I'm approached by two women. I hadn't even closed the door before I heard "You don't support our President?"

"I support the office of President, but I disagree with the agenda our current President is advocating."

"You're just a racist, you don't like our President because he's black."

"No" I sighed, "I don't agree with him because of his agenda, and I'm a conservative, not a racist"

"You think you're entitled to everything, driving your fancy car (really!?! a mom van is fancy?) and living in your happy little suburb...." There were other cries, but the next thing I remember is the sound of throat clearing and the giant loogie headed my way..

The loogie missed me, and I was out of words for the first time in a long time. The women sauntered away and I stood there for a moment in total disbelief. This is what we've become.

A few years ago, this would have ended differently. A few years ago, the above incident would have ended with the business end of my shoe, or perhaps a tire iron. It's different now, I'm older, wiser, and I have more to lose in this life. I won't rise to the bait.

The common thread in both of these incidences? Both times I (a white woman) was approached by people of color. After the second incident I texted a friend and told her what happened. I also asked if she thought what happened to me was a hate crime. She did, and she encouraged me to call the police. I passed. I had no wish to be on the side of any kind of race crime. Because it's not about that... It's about people's complete lack of civility, it's about people's inability to endure anyone else's opinion but their own. It's about the right to think or speak freely without fear of retribution.

That's right, I said fear. How are we, as a society, going to reach any kind of compromise if we attack one another for a thought or opinion? And how are we ever going to eliminate racisim, when that very kind of behavior encourages people to widen the gap, to cross the street, to ignore the other side. I don't consider myself a racist. Critic? Yes. Racist? No.

But I'm beginning to understand exactly how it happens....


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The One About Stuff I Don't Get

 

 

 

There's a whole bunch of stuff in this life that I'll never understand...

 

* Why the Chocolate Jesus feels the need to have a press conference EVERY SINGLE DAY! For the love of God man, campaign season is over! And furthermore, no matter how often you try and sell a used car, it's still a USED CAR! You can call it whatever you want, you can try and wrap it in pretty paper, it's still a BAD IDEA!

 

* Why people think they're doing my kid a favor when they feed her arbitrarily. My child has a eating disorder, it's documented and we're seeing therapists for it. But somehow, folks just think it's a great thing to feed her whatever, whenever, without asking. Seriously, you'll ask me if it's alright to feed my dog, but you won't ask me about feeding my kid??

 

* What the hell happened to the grown men in my life. Flipper had his annual golf outing, which seemed to turn into nothing but a geriatric frat party. Complete with unconcious party goers, house damage and peeing in the pond... we shall not discuss the age of the participants...

* Why the Swooper eats EVERYTHING. You name it, this dog will attempt to eat it. Wood, paper, plastic, heck, I even caught him with a mouthful of steel wool (that was a C-note worth of X-rays). Perhaps I should send him to therapy with the Eggroll.

* What happened to summer in the Midwest? Sure, now that we replaced the airconditioner, it hasn't gone above 80 in what seems like weeks. On the plus side, we may be able to try out the new furnace since it's dropping into the 50's at night...

* Where the time goes. The Eggroll has now been with us for a little over a year. Parenting still hasn't gotten any easier... LOL!

* Where have all the manners gone? Is there a "manners graveyard" somewhere? Does anyone have directions??

* Why companies are against rewarding customers. Recently, our local cable company offered a sweet deal for new customers. The deal would have shaved almost $60 a month off of our current bill. They won't let us have it, but they've been generous enough to offer us $5 a month off of our current bill. Gee that's swell (insert sarcasm here) You would think that in these tough times that companies would be just as concerned about retention as they are about getting new clients...

* Why it is that folks with "oddities" find it necessary to slap photos of themselves everywhere. Are you unaware of your one wonky eye?? Has no one told you? I'm now no longer reading your posts, I'm staring at the wonky eye. You could be writing earth-shattering revelations and I'm going to miss them because of the wonky eye. Please stop.

*Why every one is an "expert". I'm thinking that the recent, home-grown gradute of UC Berkely is not quite the health care "expert" he's been labeled. Acne treatments do not qualify you as an "expert"

I know, I could have done better... it's not like I haven't had months to work on a decent post... I'll try harder next time...

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The One That May Or May Not Be True

"Wait for meeeee......."

It's a cry heard often on playgrounds, in backyards, on streets, and in homes across the country and around the world. In any language, in any place, the cry is universal. As a matter of fact, you don't even need to speak the language to understand the meaning, you know the sound and you've felt the feeling yourself. Everyone has at one time or another. Everyone at one time or the other, has been the one uttering the plaintive wail.

"Wait for meeeee......"

As parents, we dread the day when our child is the child uttering the wail. We know it will happen, as sure as the sun will rise in the morning, our kid will be the kid left behind at least once in their lives. When it happens, we soothe the offended child. We tell them that they are worthwhile, we tell them that they are valuable, we tell them that we love them. We tell them that every person has value. We tell them that evey human being has something worthwhile within them. Once the wailing has subsided, we tell them to remember this feeling. We tell them to remember so that they won't make someone else feel as bad as they do right now.

"Wait for meeee......"

Inevitably, it will come to pass when our child will be the child who leaves someone behind. And our hearts hurts. Our hearts hurt not only for the child who has been left behind, but for our own child, the one who has done the leaving, because we never wanted them to be burdened with the guilt of hurting another, and we try to teach the lesson once again. We tell them to "bring enough for the whole class" and "how did you feel when that happened to you?". Perhaps we choose another route, perhaps we try and teach them about endurance. We say things like "just play one game with him/her, then you can be on your way." Maybe we go with bribery "if you stop that, I'll get you..." And we hope it doesn't happen again, but we know it will...

"Wait for meeeee...."

As our children age and travel through school and friends, we hear the wail from time to time. Whether it's our child doing the wailing or someone else's, it still hurts our hearts. We still hope that our child will be the child who "gets it". We hope our child is the child who will stand up.

"Wait for meeee...."

It's not so simple for our children, especially as they live their lives outside of our direct control, outside of our sphere of influence. Instead of our approval, they seek the approval of their friends. They seek the acceptance of the "crowd". They seek to be part of the pack. They fear the pack turning on them should they be the ones to stand up, should they be the one who hears the wail, who feels the wail.

"Wait for meeeee....."

We wonder when our children will feel their own power. We wonder when "pack" approval will no longer matter, we pray that that day comes sooner rather than later. Sadly, we know in our hearts that it will never come for some. We hope with all our might that the "some" is actually "some other kid". We hope that we are the example not the lesson. We continue to hope. As we listen the the explanations, the excuses, we continue to hope that our child won't be the child who is responsible for the wail.

"Wait for meeeee..."

For those who's child is the wailer we fervently hope that they discover their power as well. We hope that they learn how to stand up, we hope that they learn to shout....

"Don't wait for meeee..."

The One About Why I'll Never Be Asked To Join the Woman's Club

Today, while waiting for the Eggroll to finish her speech class, I found myself waiting with 2 other Moms. Let's just call them Shiny Suzy and Perfect Patty. They are apparently acquainted and I found myself listening to the following conversation:

Perfect Patty: Hey Suzy, I was thinking of you the other day. Do you have a recommendation for a DJ?

Shiny Suzy: Of course. I don't have it with me but just give me a call. He's great and he's pretty cheap too. Why do you need him?

Perfect Patty: Well, I'm putting the annual block party together and I have to be careful what I spend. You know how people are. Last year we had a pig roast, a DJ and all kind of things and we asked people to pay $25 per family, this year we're not asking for any money at all, we're going to get part of the cost from our HOA and then I guess I'll just have to go to local businesses for the rest.

Shiny Suzy: Well, that's going to be a lot of work. I was in charge of our block party for 6 years and I got tired of doing everything myself. You know people always say that they're willing to help, but they never do.

Perfect Patty: I know, I've decided just to do it myself, I haven't heard from any of the ladies who offered to help.

-------------here's where it starts to get a little dicey--------------

Nyt: (raising my hand) Ladies, I couldn't help but over hear. I'm one of those people who always offers to help and I do mean it. But if I never hear another word from the organizer, how am I supposed to know what to help with?

------------ and here's where it all starts to go wrong--------

Shiny Suzy: That doesn't matter, you should just show up for your assignment.

Nyt: I beg your pardon?

Perfect Patty: Yes, you should just show up and do whatever you're told.

Shiny Suzy: We don't have time to chase people down. We're busy.

Nyt: Well, I would think that if you needed the help it wouldn't be a big deal to inquire if the person that offered is still willing and if she is, to just pass out the "assignment" then.

Shiny Suzy: I'm not interested in doing that, if you offer and don't show up it's just being ignorant.

----- the part where it comes crashing down-----

Nyt: Small wonder no one helps you.

------------- cue dead silence---------

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The One About F*&k Me Fridays

Fridays around here blow. While most of America looks forward to Fridays eagerly, I dread the day. Friday is my Monday.

On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, the Eggroll attends a local program in the morning. She loves it there, and for the most part I love having her there. And then there are FRIDAYS.

My child is an extraordinary child in so many ways. She is bright, engaging, intelligent and beautiful. But, like many post-institutionalized kids, she bears some scars. The first involves food. After 10 months with us the "hoarding" that some kids display has not improved with the Eggroll, if anything it's gotten worse. She will literally eat herself to the point of illness if allowed. The second is initiation. While most three year olds will tell you what they want, get a toy down, or make requests spontaneously, my child will only do those things if forced to. We have a rule in our house, don't ask, don't get and it has worked fabulously for her..... as long as she's here...

Three mornings a week while at "play" her every whim is catered to. She does not have to speak to get what she wants, she doesn't have to use her table manners, she merely points, looks at the caretakers, or cries. And it works...every damn time.

Then we have the food thing. Seriously, the way they feed children is horrifying. More horrifying is the fact that they are following STATE mandates and guidelines for nutrition. Wednesday the children dined on a lunch of breaded chicken nuggets, rice pilaf, bread and butter, canned fruit, and milk. Yesterday, they were treated to a delightful meal of salsbury steak, mac&cheese, bread and butter, canned fruit and milk. Can we say carbohydrate overload?? And the portions?? OMG!

Now lest you think that I'm not mother of the year, know that I have looked into other programs, and they're all about the same. Unless I want to pay 15k to 20k a year for private pre-school, I'm pretty much stuck with what I've got.

But on to the subject of this post which is F*&k Me Friday. We begin our day with a 5:30am call from the Eggroll, who not only has to go potty, but has generally wet whatever she has on. A quick trip to the potty, a fast change of clothes and sheets, and back to bed she goes. Usually crying for two reasons. First she has wet herself and second, she would really like to get up. F*&k me!

Upon the second awakening, it's time to get dressed. More tears as she is denied the super special Elmo undies (those are a treat for when everything is dry). F*&k me! Then it's down the stairs to begin the day. She puts herself in the chair, which she has pulled away from the table and then sits down. Moments later there is crying because her chair is too far from the table. I will ask her what she needs and there is more crying...no words... F*&% me! After several minutes of prompting and cajoling she spits out a "help, push chair in please". Yea! Moving on.. Next comes an unprompted request for water. We're doing well here... and then....nothing! And I mean nothing...for what seems like hours at a time. There's pointing...there's naming of objects....but there's nothing else. I make breakfast and she names everything on my plate. Then she requests a toy, I ask her if it's time for that toy, she says it is... F*&k me! I have to honor her request. It's supposed to be good for her comprehension. More requests, all for different toys, each time she's asked if it's time for that toy, if it's time to play. Each time she answers yes, each time her request is honored. F*&k me! Breakfast falls by the wayside... tears ensue....

This will go on for hours, currently, I'm on my third hour at the kitchen table. My ass is numb, my work isn't done and my kid is staring vacantly out the window. She'll point, I'll ask "what is it?" she'll refuse to answer, I'll point out that she needs to answer, she'll cry... it will continue this way until naptime. F*&k me!

She knows how to do all of this. She knows the names of so many things, she knows how to request, she knows how to initiate...until Friday...on Friday she is clueless. On Friday she waits for someone to read her mind. This afternoon will be slightly easier and tomorrow will be easier still. By Sunday we'll be back to routine, Monday we'll enjoy it and Tuesday...well Tuesday is the first step on the path to F*&k Me Friday.

I can't help but wonder if it's worth it. I know that she needs the socialization that those 3 morning provide, but I can't help but wonder. I lose a whole morning with my child just waiting for her to do what she's capable of. I spend the rest of my time as disciplinarian, correcting that which was allowed during those three days. (Seriously, hands IN the food???) And I spend a lot of time dealing with the fabulous mood swings that a good kiddie carb crash brings on. And I wonder if it's worth it...

I'm disheartened by what I see in our kids educational system. Rather than lifting children up, the system seeks to bring them all down to the same level. For example...normally, my kid has impeccable table manners. She actually came to us that way. But she's not praised for that, other children are not encouraged to be like her, it's perfectly fine if her and their skills suffer. Same thing with speech. I'm sure there are other children who speak much better than she does, but it's just fine if she never improves. The herd mentality wins every time. Sad but true...

I'm disheartened by what I see our kids eating. I'm not against some good mac and cheese, but could we balance that with something that's green perhaps? Instead of having kids name all the food groups, might we actually feed them something from all of those groups?? I have to laugh when I hear parents complain about potty training, bed-wetting, behavior problems and the rest...especially when they're handing their kids a juice box to wash down their nuggets and fries with?? Anyone see the connection? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

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The One That's So So Wrong

But so damn funny I can't stop laughing

With two poses even!

Better get yours before someone figures out how not complimentary this really is!

The One About The Stuff We Teach Our Kids
Without Really Trying...

Before the Eggroll's arrival, I had made a conscience effort to control my language. Let's face it folks, I spent my formative years in the garage or the bar with a bunch of grease monkeys and felons. Then there were the years on the floor of the commodities exchange. It would not be an exaggeration when I say I could make a sailor blush.. and not in a good way either. I calmed down some over the years, but, like any other human being, I'm flawed. And let's face it, sometimes a good !*&@# just fits the occasion, or the person...whatever...

One we got the referral for the Eggroll, I started on a mini-mouth-makeover. I began to substitute ordinary or nonsense words for the offensive ones. I tried...oh how I tried.. And now my child....well...my child has learned a few things....

While searching for something that Himself had put away, I declared him a "pinhead". Now, if you ask the Eggroll what Daddy is, she'll say "pinhead". She also waves bye-bye to him while declaring "Bye-bye Pinhead!" I'd nip this behavior in the bud if I wasn't laughing so damn hard.

Inanimate objects frustrate me. One evening, while trying to get a movie to load in the DVD player I started madly pushing the button and yelling "HELLO!?! HELLO!?!" at the television screen. Now, when you turn on a DVD the Eggroll says to the screen "Hello, hello, movie"

I chatter incessantly to my child. It's supposed to be good for her language skills. When going through a store, or running errands, I usually say "we're moving on" when one task is finished. The other day, while I was comparing prices at the local Tarjay, my child, apparently bored in the cart, started yelling.."Moving on, we're moving on!" We moved right on to the ladies room before I wet my pants.

Then there's the whole road rage thing... I've got it.. I accept it... Recently, after a particular test of my driving reflexes, I ended up in the wrong lane. I swerved rather roughly and after the "Wheeee!" from the small child, I said something like "sorry baby, Momma did the stupid". Now my kid looks up at me in the kid mirror and says "momma stoooopid". Again, I'd correct that one too if it didn't make me laugh so hard.....

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The One About Being Punished for Playing By The Rules


Yet another unfinished post sitting in draft

I've never been particularly shy. Most folks that know me will tell you that the previous sentence is an understatement. And I've never been particularly PC. Also an understatement. If you're one of those easily offended types, move on now... I'm not interested in intentionally offending everyone..

The "Octomom" is the topic of much conversation as of late. 14 children, all through IVF, all under the age of 7, all, in one form or another, on the dole. I can't even begin to express how nauseous the entire situation makes me. Every one of these children should be taken from this woman, her parental rights need to be terminated immediately and ideally, she should be jailed. Yes, that's right, I said take her kids and slap her ass in jail. Never mind the idiot doctor that did the procedures in the first place. Fertility treatments are a for profit business. The medical moron did the job he was paid to do.

It infuriates me that there are folks out there who scrimp and save, pinch and plan, just to be able to have a single child. And then you have Nadya...the woman who not only brought into the world 6 children she couldn't possibly afford, but then 8 more?? Who in the world has the ability to care for 14 children? By themselves??

This is not a family like the Duggars (who, BTW, I think are plain old bat-shit crazy) Their 18 kids are spread out over the course of 15 years or so, and, they are totally self-sufficient. They made their choices, lived by their decisions and rely on no one but themselves. I think it's crazy, but I can't argue with it.

Speaking of decisions... I'm going for the totally inappropriate here... but I'm going for the gorilla in the room.... Whenever I see one of these litter dropping women, they answer the whole selective reduction question with the same basic answer "it's God's will that I have these kids". Really?? What about the not getting pregnant in the first place thing?? Wasn't that God's will too?? Oh wait, the medical technology thing solved that problem for you and that was alright?? Just what to you apply God's will to anyway?? Is it everything, just some stuff, what you want....where's the line?? I know I'm a lapsed Catholic and everything, but I'm thinking that there might be a flaw in your whole interpretation thing.

So, the litter arrives and suddenly these women are cause celebre. Now we subjected to the "Madonna" moms... you know the ones, they're holy, they're pious, they're totally devoted to their children... and they're expecting rewards. At the very least they want applause... and the rest, well the rest they claim is just people being kind.

The One About Everyday


This is one of those posts that was sitting unfinished...
I thought it was funny anyway...

Before you begin this entry dear readers, I want you to understand that I love my husband and my child more than life itself. This entry is about "the funny". Because there are those days that can only be looked at that way.......

My house contains at any given time, myself, Nyt, my husband, Himself, our child, Eggroll, and our pets...Spinner, Swooper and Miss Thing. Swooper is the newest addition and at 9 weeks old, he's already turning this place upside down.

Let us begin....

4:25AM- Awake to a full bladder and a chilly room. Silently curse the ass that said 40 was the new 30. Attempt to creep silently past Swooper's cage into the bathroom. Realize that I'm missing a sock and the bathroom floor is damn cold.
4:26AM- Relieve myself and then decide against flushing (wouldn't want to wake Swooper)
4:27AM- Creep back to bed. Realize that Spinner is not going to relinquish any blankets. Search for alternate blanket.
4:28AM- Blanket located.
4:40AM- Decide that sleep is futile
4:45AM- Give up the ghost and set sights on an uninterrupted shower
4:46AM- Plan of uninterrupted shower thwarted by squeaking Swooper
4:47 AM- Close bedroom door and release Swooper from kennel. Discover that Miss Thing is on the wrong side of the door as pitiful mewling begins.
4:48AM- Drop newspaper on floor. Swooper misses newspaper by mere inches..
4:49AM- Wash floor
4:55AM- Throw self into shower. Accomplish clean in a record 10 minutes.
5:05AM- Head for dresser and clean underwear..step in warm Swooper pee
5:06AM- Wash feet
5:08AM- Wash floor
5:10AM-Apply make-up and do hair while chasing Swooper and removing stray stuff from his mouth. Swear silently as Spinner snuggles into the covers and emits a deep sigh. Pray that I'm not mistaken for a clown....
5:20 AM- Head downstairs to take dogs outside and make coffee. Realize that it is somewhere around 15 degrees out. Before jacket is even zipped, Swooper pees again.
5:21AM- Ignore pee and stand outside in snow and wind begging tiny dog to "go potty outside"
5:27AM- Wash floor
5:30AM- Reach coffeepot. Shed tears of joy
5:35AM- Himself reaches the kitchen and announces "I would have taken the dogs out.."
5:36AM- Contemplate murder....
5:37AM- Collect dogs, dog toys, cigarettes and lighter. Settle into chair for morning coffee, smoke and news.
5:40AM- Eggroll awake and calling for Daddy. Remind Himself that 5:40 in the morning is not an acceptable time for any child to get up. Ask that he take her potty and put her back in bed.
5:45AM- Himself returns from upstairs announcing "mission accomplished". Himself departs for work.
5:56 to 6:15AM- Swill coffee and puff cigarettes throughout early newscast.
6:16 to 6:30AM- Develop plan for the day. Realize that there is little or no food in the house. Figure on hitting two grocery stores before lunch. Decide to make list.
6:31AM- Find a Swooper poop on the way to get paper for grocery list.
6:32AM- Wash floor
6:35AM- Collect pets for another potty trip to the frozen tundra. Once again, Swooper pees before my jacket is even on.
6:36 to 6:44AM- Stand outside in freezing cold and snow waiting for tiny dog to "potty outside"
6:45AM- Wash floor
6:48AM- Prepare Eggroll's breakfast along with Swooper's.

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The One About People, Politics and Pets

So, today's the day folks. Time to stand in line, cast your ballot and make your voice heard. I intend to drop Eggroll off at "school" and then off to the polls. The rest of the day will be determined by how long I have to stand in line. Laundry could actually get done if the lines are short....

In other political news, the issue of media bias has been bandied about lately and it reminds me of a conversation that I had with our translator in China. Just as communism is foreign to us, democracy is foreign to them. The conversation had turned to the press and the media, and the fact that all media in China is controlled by the government. He asked me how tightly controlled our media is, and I had to give him an answer that surprised even me. I told him that our media was just as controlled as the Chinese media, only in a different way. While their media is controlled overtly by the government, ours is controlled by the almighty dollar. Their media swings whichever way the government does, ours follows the money. Neither provides a "whole" picture of any issue. As the close of the presidential election approaches, I'm truly saddened that so many people just accept this as what "is". It's not just that my candidate will more than likely be on the losing end of the run, it's that people all over the world will stand and fight for freedom of speech, and a free media and Americans, sheeple that they are, will merely accept whatever that 15 second sound byte tells them. They suspect nothing if all the sound bytes are the same either. It must be true because the television told me so...

In other news, yesterday found me tackling the disaster zone that was our garage. Seriously, where the hell did all that stuff come from?? I still have to scrub out the fridge out there, but for the most part, all is done. Of course, it turned out to be an all day project....ewww!

I had the Spinner outside with me all day. I have a long line attached to a tree and he spent most of the day lazing about.

I'm not one of those pet owners who allow their pets to wander about. The Spinner is a hunting dog, and all it takes is one second for things to go horribly wrong. He spent the day lazing about, chewing his bone and chasing the occasional leaf that blew by.


This one makes me especially proud. You see, when indoors, the Spinner will bark like a maniac when he sees anyone on the street. Yesterday my really good dog uttered a muted "woof" when confronted with small children walking the street. A triumph! As with any and all triumphs, there is also a downside. And the downside happened because of my addled brain. You see, before being absorbed into the House of Nyt, the Spinner was a show dog. A show dog that was trained to NEVER RELIEVE HIMSELF WHILE ON A CHAIN. I forgot that part, and the poor animal darn near exploded when I finally let him loose in the backyard... I'm hoping he'll forgive me.....

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The One About My Brain and the "Boom"

I would like to remove my brain from my skull and wash it off. It seems to be rather dusty as of late. Disorganized, forgetting things...nothing a good cleaning wouldn't fix.

Halloween started out with a "boom", literally. While Eggroll and I were on the way to the grocery store, a rather large Ram decided to introduce itself to Vanbo. One loud crunch and a shower of glass later, my child looked at me in the rearview mirror, said "boom", and went right back to watching Blues Clues on the DVD player. How wonderful to be a child! Meanwhile, Vanbo suffered a crushed rear door and a blown out rear window. Nothing a couple of weeks in the auto hospital can't fix. However, most of Halloween was taken up by telephone calls, adjusters, estimates and rental agencies. Vanbo has been replaced with a Ram cousin, and so far, everything has gone rather swimmingly. And of course, because it was Halloween, we had plenty of chocolate.....that always makes things easier...

This is the week where Eggroll will spend most of day at "school". Because of the upcoming holidaze, and the approach of inclement weather, and Himself's work schedule, it has been determined that in order to get anything done...the Eggroll needs to be away from the House of Nyt. I hate to do it in one way, but she does love "school" so, and if I wait any longer the work will take twice as long. Of course, my brain did screw-up....I told the center director that she would be there for the whole week, completely forgetting that she has therapy on Tuesday and Thursday.... le sigh! I will have to admit my idiocy in public and rearrange her schedule and mine.

Because of Friday's little problem, I was forced to do my grocery shopping on Saturday. May I say that I was quite gracious on Friday, but Saturday...in the grocery store...I was positively homicidal. Who are all these people, and when did manners become optional??? Seriously, is it just me or is half of society raising packs of wolves? Are people just numb?? Let me just say for the record that if I would have had a cattle prod, things might have gone differently...

I hear movement....must run.....

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The One About Family and Frustration

Ahhhh, the holidaze....They're approaching rapidly aren't they? Every year around here, the holidaze bring about a multitude of problems. Some are solvable, some, not so much. Almost all of them revolve around family.

For those of you that know me, you're probably aware that I have a pretty shitty family. With the exception of Flipper, the rest of them pretty much suck. Hard.

Over the years the tension within the family grew and flourished. If I told you most of it was over money, would you be surprised? It's long and complicated but suffice it to say it revolves around the fact that although Flipper has been with me since I was nine years old, I'm not "legitimate" in their eyes. And now it's passing through to the next generation. And that's just one side of the "family"

On the other side? Well, let's just say that they'll show up, they'll take interest you when you write a check, other than that? Not so much.

Himself's family? Pretty much non-existent. His older sister is wrapped up in her religion and her own family. His younger sister?? Well let's just say that "teh crazy" really is a sexually transmitted disease... We never hear from them. Perhaps they too, feel that we're not a "legitimate" family...I'm an "other" wife, so maybe that's where their primary problem lies. (BTW, I don't remember actually doing anything to offend them. I'm from the camp that says I can't fix it if you don't tell me what "it" is)

Moving on.....

The Holidaze involve dealing with my family, both side A (Flipper's) and side B (mine). First we'll deal with side A. The A side will be here for Thanksgiving. I do this every year because it makes Flipper happy. Even though at some level he realizes that his family sucks, they are still his family and in some peculiar way, it makes him happy to have them here. It causes a load of stress that can only be tolerated with controlled outbursts of rage and OCD. Some of the "things" that have been said and or done over the years?

"Arrogant" tells me that I must be gone from my family home so that he and his girlfriend can romp in the Jacuzzi. I protest..he tells me that "it doesn't matter what you think, all this will be mine anyway when Flipper dies" He never saw the shovel coming....he refused medical treatment....

"Disturbed" asks me to stand up in her wedding. I agree (it makes Flipper happy) It costs me more than $500.00 to do so. The wedding is out of town. I'm housed away from the rest of the wedding party. I'm uninvited to the wedding party festivities, I drive myself to and from the church and reception.

"Piggy" tells me that "Your husband won't be excited over your adoption, he's had "real" children"

I asked "Disturbed" to do a reading at Momma's funeral. (in fairness, she was my very last choice) She accepts and then assaults me with the statement "We never got to know Flipper because your mother was such a bitch"

These are but a few examples of what has transpired over the years. The hardest part for me is to put on the "happy face". I want to be a good person, I really do. I want Flipper to have everything that makes him happy for as long as he's on this Earth. But I also want peace in my own home. I want peace for my daughter and husband. I want home to be a safe place, and letting these people in my home risks safety. One never knows what they may say or do... the anticipation of disaster causes unbelievable amounts of stress.

My counter for all of this... is that everything must be "perfect"... and my "perfect" is generally over and above everyone else's perfect... Anyone seeing my problem here??

Most days I can give up life's difficulties to the universe and move on... Holidaze? I give them up to the OCD monster and anger...and I don't know how to make it stop while making everyone happy at the same time......

Le Sigh.....

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